Hello lovelies! This is a continuation of the meals we had last week with sweet potatoes. It is adapted from a recipe off the back of a box of Belazu Barley Couscous. While I cannot tolerate wheat, I can still tolerate barley, oats, spelt and rye in small doses. We used to buy this couscous all the time when we lived in England because couscous cooks in four minutes and is a great staple to have on hand. Unfortunately, we cannot find barley couscous in Wales so I have had to substitute.
But no worries. Adopt, Adapt and Improve is my motto. If you can eat wheat, just use regular couscous for this recipe. if you can find barley couscous, then by all means use it as it has a lovely nutty flavour. If you need it Gluten free then use unroasted buckwheat groats. It cooks quickly and had a similar texture to couscous. Don't get KASHA which is roasted buckwheat groats.
The original recipe was just for caramelised onions cooked in a sweet syrup with raisins and pinenuts. I knew I could make it more of a meal by adding chickpeas and roasted sweet potato and cutting back on the "butter" and eliminating the pinenuts as they are frightfully expensive (150g for £3.85 at Tesco!!) It still comes out plenty sweet and rich and decadent my way.
Adapted Belazu Sweet potatoes, caramelised onions and raisins with chickpeas
Preheat your oven to 200C/400F
For roasting:
1-2 medium sweet potatoes, diced
half of a red pepper
(I am not using oil here to roast as there are 2 TB non dairy butter in the other part of the recipe and that is enough fat for us. But do what you like)
For cooking:
2 white onions, thinly sliced into rainbows
1/3 cup raisins
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp turmeric
2 TB dairy free butter
3TB liquid sweetener like maple syrup, agave or golden syrup.
half a cup (125ml) water
1 tin of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
When you put the sweet potato and pepper in to roast then start the stove top action.
Roast for 15 minutes, remove from oven and stir and then roast for 15 more minutes.
Stove top action:
1.Add everything above except the chickpeas and bring to the boil and then simmer with the lid on until the onions are soft and golden. if it looks like it is drying out then add a splash more water.
2. Closer to the end of the roasting time cook your grain.
If you are making couscous:
Decide how much couscous you are making. Add the juice of half a lemon and a small clove of smashed garlic to the boiling water and add the couscous according to the package directions. Cover and let stand for four minutes then fluff with a fork.
If you are using buckwheat groats:
Decide how much you are making and follow the instructions for cooking it. My container says rinse thoroughly, add groats to cold water and bring to the boil and then simmer for six minutes. I like to rinse them after they cook as they can have a bit of scum on them. Then I pop them back in the hot pan to reheat them with the juice of half a lemon and the small clove of smashed garlic.
When the veg are roasted, add them with the chickpeas to the onion mixture. Serve over couscous or buckwheat or whatever grain you choose. We ended up mixing our buckwheat groats into the onion vegetable mixture just to make it easier. I also felt it needed a hint more sweetness, so I added a drizzle of golden syrup before serving.
This is sweet and a savoury at the same time. The lemon and garlic add a nice contrast to the sweetness of the syrupy onions and sweet potato, so don't leave them out. Or do leave them out. this is totally your call. Just make it!
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Tuesday, 28 March 2017
Monday, 27 March 2017
Murder Ballad Monday --De två systrarna (Swedish)
Hello and welcome to part eighteen of Murder Ballad Monday.
For the last two weeks we have explored Norwegian versions of the
traditional ballad The Twa Sisters. This week, I would like to share a Swedish
version called De
två systrarna by the band Folk och Rackare.
If you think back to part six of Murder Ballad Monday, I shared a
version by the band Malinky in
traditional Scots that had been translated from a Swedish version. You can
refresh your memory here:
This is the Swedish version of that Ballad! It is
unusual in that we really see a great deal more sibling rivalry than in other
versions. This version has the beautiful sister taunt the uglier one with words
like, “Even if you wash yourself both day and night, You'll never be as white as me.” It’s no wonder
that she pushed her in.
It
is also unusual in that her breasts are used as decorations on the harp. Perhaps
this is just a misstranslation of breastbone. I was also pleased to see that this version definitely has the sister punished. Many allude to it, some have her get off scot-free, but this one says she was "burnt in ashes and death." Also, it puzzles me that a fiddler
finds her body but she is made into a harp. This is definitely a translation
issue as the word used in the song simply means “folk musician.” I have
included the lyrics below translated into English and they contain several
footnotes to help explain some particular Swedish phrases. If you want to read
the lyrics in Swedish with a side by side translation into English go here: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/de-tv%C3%A5-systrarna-two-sisters.html
This
Swedish version by Folk och Rackare follows the same tune that Malinky used in their Scots translation so I suspect
this was the version they heard. Listen to the Swedish version here:
How it breaks down compared to other versions:
Name of ballad: De två systrarna
Performed by: Folk och Rackare
Refrain:
Blowing cold cold weather over the sea
Blowing cold cold weather over the sea
Number of sisters: two
Where did they live: by the seashore
Appearance described as: One of them was as white as the
bright sun, the other was black as the blackest coal
Sweetheart: not named, just called her fiancé
Excuse to go to the water: none given
Body of water: seashore
Body of water: seashore
Does it contain the line “Sometimes she sank, sometimes she swam”: no
Miller and child: no
Mistaken for: n/a
Described in death: n/a
Who finds her on the bank: folk musician (translated here as
fiddler)
Instrument she becomes: harp
Body parts used: golden hair, small fingers, snow white
breasts
Would her song “melt a heart of stone”: no
Do the strings sing individually: no
What does the instrument sing: the bride has stolen my
sweetheart
Is the sister punished: yes--On Sunday she sat in a
bridechair red, On Monday she was burnt in ashes and death
Here are the lyrics if you would like to follow along. I
have eliminated the refrain so that it won’t be so long.
The
two sisters
There
lived a farmer by the seashore
(There's)
Blowing cold cold weather1over
the sea
And
two daughters he had
Blowing
cold cold weather over the sea
One
of them was as white as the bright sun
The
other was black as the blackest coal
We
both wash ourselves in the water now
So
I will most likely become as white as you
Even
if you wash yourself both day and night
You'll
never be as white as me
And
as they stood there on the seashore
The
ugliest of them pushed her sister off from land
You,
my dear sister, help me up to land
And
then I will give you my sweetheart
Your
fiancé, I will get him anyway
But
you'll never wander upon the green earth again
There
lived a fiddler2by
the shore
He
looked into the water where the body floated
The
fiddler carried her onto the shore
And
of her he made a sweet harp
The
fiddler took her golden hair
And
built harp strings from it
The
fiddler took her small fingers
And
decorated the harp with them3
The
fiddler took her snow white breasts
And
the harp she rang with a lovely tone
And
the harp was carried to the wedding spot
Where
the bride was dancing with ribbons in the hair
And
three strokes on the golden harp was played
That
bride has stolen my sweetheart
On Sunday she sat in a bridechair red
On Monday she was burnt in ashes and death
1.I'm
not sure if you're able say that the weather is blowing in English, but to
replace weather with wind wouldn't suffice, since they mean that the whole
weather condition is moving over the sea
2."Speleman",
or nowdays "Spelman", is a Swedish folk musician. I chose to
translate it into "fiddler" for two reasons. 1. There's an extremely
high probability that he was a fiddler, since I'm guessing this story took
place in a time when the violin dominated the Swedish folk music and 2. It
gives a better flow to the lyrics
3.This
is a tricky one. To "tappla" is to finger on something but it's not
used as a verb here; instead it is used as a noun so it would make the most
sense that he decorates the harp with the fingers. If someone has another idea
they're welcome to share it.
So, that’s it for version eightteen of The Twa Sisters. Stay tuned next
Monday for version nineteen.
Wednesday, 22 March 2017
What We Ate Wednesday--Roasted Cajun Corn and Sweet Potato salad
Hello lovelies! Because I am a bit of an OCD organised freak, I have a recipe index where every recipe we've ever eaten and really liked is catalogued under subheadings by main ingredients as well as the cookbook/recipe binder where it can be found. It sounds like a lot of work (but it was truly a labour of love) and it makes things so much easier.
Case in point: this meal. We've been having lots of white potatoes recently as they have been on sale, but I wanted to change it up and have some sweet potatoes. So I looked in my recipe index under the words sweet potatoes to see what would be good to make this week as I was planning my menu for the next 7 days. Yes, of course I make a menu! Did I not already mention that I was an OCD organised freak?? A menu is great idea --especially if you are on a budget like us--it prevents overspending because there is a list to follow when you shop. Yes, of course there is a list! In fact, there are multiple lists for multiple shops because I have another book that tells me where the best prices are in town, What part of OCD organised freak do you not understand???
Anyway...a 1kg bag of sweet potatoes containing 5-6 sweet potatoes costs me 95p at Tesco and I can make that go for three to four separate meals or I can make it go for a big soup that feeds us for two days and one additional meal. So this is where I need to decide which recipes I want to use, so I know the best way to divide up my taters.
I decided on the three meal approach this week by looking at recipes and seeing what we already had in the pantry that could be used for the meal. This recipe was an easy choice because it is really tasty, we haven't had it in a while so it will be a treat, and we already had most of the ingredients on hand. We always have frozen corn and I had recently cooked up a 500g bag of black eyed peas and portioned them off in my freezer into servings. I've always got spices and condiments like oil in stock, so I really just had to buy the vegetables and the pumpkin seeds.
This recipe is based on what we ate whilst on holiday in Chichester many years ago. I noted down all the ingredients and figured out how to make it at home.
Roasted Cajun Corn and Sweet Potato Salad
Preheat your oven to 200C/400F.
In a large roasting tin combine the following:
1 small red onion, diced
half a chopped pepper
1 tin black eyes peas, drained and rinses and blotted dry
1-2 medium sweet potatoes, diced
1 cup frozen corn, defrosted in boiling water and blotted dry
1 TB oil
3 tsp Cajun spices
Marinade:
1.5 TB liquid sweetener (Maple syrup or agave would work. I used golden syrup)
zest and juice of half a lemon
1. Stir well to combine oil with the beans and vegetables then sprinkle on the spices.
2. You want to serve this over a grain so start it when you need it. I used easy cook brown rice that cooks in 25 minutes so I started it right before I put the roasting pan in the oven.
3. Roast for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and stir and add 1/4 cup (40g) pumpkin seeds and roast for another 15 minutes.
3.Remove from the oven and drizzle over the marinade of lemon juice and liquid sweetener.
4. Serve over a grain like rice or couscous or quinoa.
It is tangy and spicy and little bit sweet and 100% delicious.
Case in point: this meal. We've been having lots of white potatoes recently as they have been on sale, but I wanted to change it up and have some sweet potatoes. So I looked in my recipe index under the words sweet potatoes to see what would be good to make this week as I was planning my menu for the next 7 days. Yes, of course I make a menu! Did I not already mention that I was an OCD organised freak?? A menu is great idea --especially if you are on a budget like us--it prevents overspending because there is a list to follow when you shop. Yes, of course there is a list! In fact, there are multiple lists for multiple shops because I have another book that tells me where the best prices are in town, What part of OCD organised freak do you not understand???
Anyway...a 1kg bag of sweet potatoes containing 5-6 sweet potatoes costs me 95p at Tesco and I can make that go for three to four separate meals or I can make it go for a big soup that feeds us for two days and one additional meal. So this is where I need to decide which recipes I want to use, so I know the best way to divide up my taters.
I decided on the three meal approach this week by looking at recipes and seeing what we already had in the pantry that could be used for the meal. This recipe was an easy choice because it is really tasty, we haven't had it in a while so it will be a treat, and we already had most of the ingredients on hand. We always have frozen corn and I had recently cooked up a 500g bag of black eyed peas and portioned them off in my freezer into servings. I've always got spices and condiments like oil in stock, so I really just had to buy the vegetables and the pumpkin seeds.
This recipe is based on what we ate whilst on holiday in Chichester many years ago. I noted down all the ingredients and figured out how to make it at home.
Roasted Cajun Corn and Sweet Potato Salad
Preheat your oven to 200C/400F.
In a large roasting tin combine the following:
1 small red onion, diced
half a chopped pepper
1 tin black eyes peas, drained and rinses and blotted dry
1-2 medium sweet potatoes, diced
1 cup frozen corn, defrosted in boiling water and blotted dry
1 TB oil
3 tsp Cajun spices
Marinade:
1.5 TB liquid sweetener (Maple syrup or agave would work. I used golden syrup)
zest and juice of half a lemon
1. Stir well to combine oil with the beans and vegetables then sprinkle on the spices.
2. You want to serve this over a grain so start it when you need it. I used easy cook brown rice that cooks in 25 minutes so I started it right before I put the roasting pan in the oven.
3. Roast for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and stir and add 1/4 cup (40g) pumpkin seeds and roast for another 15 minutes.
3.Remove from the oven and drizzle over the marinade of lemon juice and liquid sweetener.
4. Serve over a grain like rice or couscous or quinoa.
It is tangy and spicy and little bit sweet and 100% delicious.
Monday, 20 March 2017
Murder Ballad Monday--Harpa Toner (Norwegian)
Hello and welcome to part seventeen of Murder Ballad Monday.
Last week we looked at a Norwegian version of the ballad The Twa
Sisters. This week, I would like to look at another Norwegian version by a band
called L.E.A.F.
While it is identical lyrically to last week’s version, the tune is
slightly altered.
The refrain is:
Harp tones tender and fine.
(Humming)
The Norwegian version is unusual compared to the English language versions
in the body parts that are used to make the instrument. English or Scottish
version tend to use the fingers, the breastbone, and the hair whilst the
Norwegian version uses the leg bones and the hair.
If you’d like to see the Norwegian lyrics side by
side with the English lyrics go here: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/harpa-harp.html
L.E.A.F. have a really lush
sound with bells and chimes which puts me in mind of the Cocteau Twins. This
version of Harper Toner features Oliver S. Tyr of the German band FAUN. Listen to it here:
Here’s how it breaks down compared to other versions: (same as last week)
Name of ballad: Harpa
Toner
Performed by: Bergtatt
Refrain:
Harp tones tender and fine.
Fa
la la la la la la la la la
Number of sisters: two
Number of sisters: two
Where did they live: by the shore
Appearance described as:
The young one went forth like the sun,
The
older lagged behind like a worm in the ground.
Sweetheart: Mentioned,
but not named
Excuse to go to the water:
“let us go down by the river”
Body of water: river
Does it contain the line “Sometimes
she sank, sometimes she swam”: no
Miller and child: no
Mistaken for: n/a
Described in death:
n/a
Who finds her on the bank: two
shepherds
Instrument she becomes: harp
Body parts used: leg
bone and two locks of hair
Would her song “melt a heart of
stone”: no
Do the strings sing individually: yes
What does the instrument sing:
It told of the bride's evil deeds which caused the bride to stand frozen on the spot.
It told of the bride's evil deeds which caused the bride to stand frozen on the spot.
Is the sister punished: doesn’t say,
but you presume so as her guilt is giving her away
Here are the lyrics in Norwegian if you would like to try to follow along.
Det bodde en bonde ved en
strand,
Harpa toner var og fin.
To fagre døtre hadde han.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Den eldste til den yngre sa:
Harpa toner var og fin.
La oss ned til elven dra.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Den yngste gikk føre som en sol,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Den eldste etter som orm i jord.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Den yngste satte seg på en stein,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Den eldste dyttet, hun var ikke sein.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Hun strakte ut sin hvite hand,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Og ropte søster hjelp meg iland.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Hvis jeg ikke hjelper deg,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Så vil din kjæreste ekte meg.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Det var to gjetere på den strand,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Og de så liket som fløt i land.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
De tok fra hennes kropp et ben,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Og lagde av det en harpe ven.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
De tok to lokker av hennes hår,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Og harpa gyldne strenger får.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Til søsterens bryllup ble harpa
bragt,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Og på en strubbe der ble den lagt.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Det var senere på denne kveld,
Harpa toner var og fin.
At harpa spilte av seg selv.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Da den første strengen lød,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Den fortalte om brudens onde dåd.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Da den andre strengen slo,
Harpa toner var og fin.
Bruden som forstenet sto.
Fa la la la la la la la la la
So, that's it for for version seventeen of The Twa Sisters. Stay tuned next Monday for
version eighteen.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
What We Ate Wednesday--tangy roasted chickpeas and vegetables
Hello lovelies! OK....confession time. Last night we were *supposed* to have Cajun black eyed peas and kale over brown rice. But then, right around 5pm I discovered that I had already used the last of the kale and had forgotten to defrost the black eyed peas I had cooked earlier. So basically, all I had was brown rice. Uh-oh.
But never fear. I looked around my well stocked kitchen and saw a tin of chickpeas. I can always do something with a tin of chickpeas. Roasting is the way to go. Chickpeas go all brown and chewy and delicious in the oven. Throw in some veg and rice and you have meal.
So I adapted a recipe called Tamari Roasted Chickpeas from Dreena Burton's excellent cookbook Eat, Drink and Be Vegan. Her recipe just roasts chickpeas, but I roasted some vegetables I had in with the chickpeas and let me tell you...it was YUM.
Tangy Roasted Chickpeas and Vegetables
Preheat your oven to 200C/400F
In your biggest roasting tin add:
1 tin of chickpeas, drained and rinsed.
1 chopped onion
half a chopped pepper (I used a yellow one as that is what I had, but red would have been prettier)
a small carrot, cut into half moons (or use a half a carrot)
1.5 TB tamari or soy sauce
1.5 TB lemon juice (freshly squeezed is great, but i used lemon from a squeezy bottle and it was fine)
1 TB olive oil
A squidge of liquid sweetener (maybe a teaspoon?)
a good shake of dried rosemary
lots of grinds of pepper
1. Mix all that together until the marinade covers all the chickpeas and vegetables.
2. Roast for 12 minutes, then take the pan out and stir then roast 13 more minutes.
3. Meanwhile you should have been cooking your brown rice. I forgot to mention it. My rice takes approximately 25 minutes so I started it right before I put the chickpea/veg mixture in to roast.
4. Throw some frozen peas in to your cooked rice to add an extra vegetable and make it look pretty.
That's it. The chickpeas are all chewy and delicious and the flavour is tangy and savoury and yum.
It feeds two hungry people quite easily.
Happy eating!
But never fear. I looked around my well stocked kitchen and saw a tin of chickpeas. I can always do something with a tin of chickpeas. Roasting is the way to go. Chickpeas go all brown and chewy and delicious in the oven. Throw in some veg and rice and you have meal.
So I adapted a recipe called Tamari Roasted Chickpeas from Dreena Burton's excellent cookbook Eat, Drink and Be Vegan. Her recipe just roasts chickpeas, but I roasted some vegetables I had in with the chickpeas and let me tell you...it was YUM.
Tangy Roasted Chickpeas and Vegetables
Preheat your oven to 200C/400F
In your biggest roasting tin add:
1 tin of chickpeas, drained and rinsed.
1 chopped onion
half a chopped pepper (I used a yellow one as that is what I had, but red would have been prettier)
a small carrot, cut into half moons (or use a half a carrot)
1.5 TB tamari or soy sauce
1.5 TB lemon juice (freshly squeezed is great, but i used lemon from a squeezy bottle and it was fine)
1 TB olive oil
A squidge of liquid sweetener (maybe a teaspoon?)
a good shake of dried rosemary
lots of grinds of pepper
1. Mix all that together until the marinade covers all the chickpeas and vegetables.
2. Roast for 12 minutes, then take the pan out and stir then roast 13 more minutes.
3. Meanwhile you should have been cooking your brown rice. I forgot to mention it. My rice takes approximately 25 minutes so I started it right before I put the chickpea/veg mixture in to roast.
4. Throw some frozen peas in to your cooked rice to add an extra vegetable and make it look pretty.
That's it. The chickpeas are all chewy and delicious and the flavour is tangy and savoury and yum.
It feeds two hungry people quite easily.
Happy eating!
Monday, 13 March 2017
The Perils of Being Me
If you have seen my Facebook page, you have seen that I spent a lovely day making kiln fired glass with some friends.
I am a creative person. I love to make things. I sew, I do paper crafts. I re-purpose rubbish and turn it into art. I love to make. I love how it feels to create things with my hands. It brings me great joy...unless something goes wrong.
Then I am *very* self critical.
This has gotten better over the years, with the help of Spiderman and the reminder that I would never talk this way to anyone else.
But I can be VERY mean.
It is just one of the perils of being me.
As I child I made many things. Some good, some not so good. But I loved the process of making and I wasn't as concerned about the product. There was this paint-your-own-pottery shop called The Sunshine Shop that I visited nearly every weekend. I painted boatloads of stuff. Often messily, but with great joie de vivre. Everything I made had a story behind it. Two sloppily painted ballet slippers-one pink, one gold? A tale of a ballerina who lost a shoe before a crucial audition and a good fairy came and gave her a gold slipper to replace the lost one as the ballerina had been so kindhearted. The good fairy had disguised herself as a homeless bag lady and the little ballerina had shared her last piece of bread with her. Then the fairy knew the little ballerina deserved to make that audition.
So where did things start to go wrong for me? What caused this evil self critical monster to grow to such an enormous size?
How did I develop this perfectionist streak? When did I become so cautious of trying something where I might be a failure? I seem to only be a perfectionist when it comes to something I *should* be good at.
Like art.
I think what happened was this:
Other people I cared about began to make critical remarks. My Mum was exasperated at my careless painting. Probably she was tired of forking over money for me to half-ass paint stuff, but I started to hear that voice in my head. You should stop painting if you can't do it properly.
This is one of the perils of being me.
Many years later at summer camp in North Carolina I made my Mum a copper engraving because she LOVED copper. I remember it was really awkward to etch the acid on the copper to do the engraving. You had to do it on the back and in reverse of the design that you intended on the front. My dyscalculia kicked in and it went wrong. The camp counsellor in charge of arts and crafts let me have one more go, but only if I wouldn't "waste it" like I did the other one because materials weren't cheap. I should have listened to the voice, but I tried again. It wasn't brilliant, but I made it for her with great love. She was really critical of it. I think she had no idea how hard it was to do and I how my hands shook like I had Parkinson's disease as I made it for fear of doing it wrong. She made comments the whole rest of the vacation about how Michelle had made a much nicer one for her mother with a better picture and Michelle was younger than me. Why couldn't I have made a lovely waterfall scene with a deer like that? I am not sure at this point, how much of this criticism was from my mother and how much was in my head. I know she did say those things abut Michelle's being nicer. I know the voice in my head called me an idiot for choosing something that had to be done backwards. A waterfall scene would look the same in reverse, dumbass. I never worked in copper again.
This is one of the perils of being me.
When we were exchange students in London, something occurred which we call the "Brass Rubbing Incident of 1990." At Westminster Abbey, you could do a brass rubbing. Basically you have a textured metal plate based on something in the church/crypt and you use an oil pastel to rub a design
onto black paper. You with me so far? I had been *dying* to do one. I had even selected my design. Margaret Peyton, the lace lady.
NOT my brass rubbing, this is someone who did theirs better than me and is selling it on ETSY |
I chose carefully so that I would be successful. And then something happened.
There are two versions to this:
My view is that it did NOT go well. The textured lace came out perfect but the smoothness of her face gave me trouble and it was streaky. I was so upset that was going to tear it up then and there, but it seemed inappropriate to go quite mad in Westminster Abbey and tear it to shreds. So I just sat there are cried. Fat tears plip-plopped down my face and I felt so ASHAMED that I had failed at this artistic endeavour. I am sad to say that SHAME was really the emotion I was feeling. It really was a misplaced feeling in this instance, but I couldn't see that back then.
Spiderman's version:
"It was all going well and was seemingly normal and then for no reason I could understand you started crying and wouldn't tell me why. You just kept saying you felt sick and ashamed. I had no earthly idea what had gone wrong." (Editor's note: he married me anyway in spite of this many other similar incidents. At least he knew what he was getting into)
Years later he found it in a poster tube (I was sure I had destroyed it) and hung it up as a surprise. Let me tell ya, it was a surprise all right, but not the one he was expecting.
This is one of the perils of being me.
There was a time in my life when I would spend all day in the summer holidays making artwork for my classroom when I was teacher. Seriously, I would go to LC with Spiderman when he worked there and I would bring all my art materials to Government Documents in the basement. I would make and make and make things for classroom.
I would work nonstop for eight hours and then if I perceived the tiniest flaw in the finished product, I would have to destroy the work and begin again. Spiderman would say that it was fine. More than fine. Really good. He would tell me to sleep on it before doing anything rash like destroying it. But I just couldn't. The flaw, however minor, leapt out at me and shouted that it was
Garbage
Shit
A Failure
That meant that I was Garbage/Shit/A Failure and it must be destroyed. This sort of perfectionism led to the nervous breakdown I had after my dad died where I had to quit teaching.
This is one of the perils of being me.
With hard work, I have (mostly) overcome this inner voice. But in new situations like Sunday where I was working on the kiln fired glass, I could hear it whisper.
These days all it does is whisper and I tell it where to go and (mostly) bugs off. Mostly.
I think the problem was:
1. the materials were not mine. I don't mind experimenting with my own things, but I did not want to waste someone else's materials.
2. the materials were expensive. I sure as hell didn't want to waste someone else's expensive materials.
3. I was unfamiliar with the art form. This can be a trigger for me because there is a chance it can fail.
4. I felt paralysed by the fear of the product not coming out well. I have worked hard to be free in my own artwork to try different techniques and be more about the "process than the product," but I did not feel I could just cut up lots of someone else's expensive glass and then decide not to use it.
How did I overcome this:
By not taking too much of a risk. I wanted to try new techniques and make it more abstract, but the fear of hating the end product and then associating that feeling of hate with the day would mean I would have it ruined twice for myself. I would remember the experience as bad and I would have been very self critical about the product and wanted to smash it. I am too old and too tired to have to put up with bad memories of my own making.
So I made something simple. Something a bit plain. Something I knew I would be happy with and had a reasonable chance of it coming out well. I wanted a colour background, but the powder to colour it was expensive and you had to set it with asthma inducing aerosol hairspray. I had to leave the room every time someone sprayed their glass, so in the end I decided to Keep It Simple and just leave it clear and let the simple design speak for itself. I think I succeeded.
I only had a few moments of angst where I felt everything going wrong. At those moments I popped into the loo and gave myself a good talking to whilst taking some deep breaths.
I genuinely had a good day.
It was fun.
It was with friends.
I learned something new.
I created something beautiful.
But when I came home, Spiderman and I talked about the perils of being me.
At least it is better than it used to be. At least I am better than I used to be.
I wish it wasn't so bloody hard to be me. But it is.
That is the peril of being me.
Murder Ball Monday--Harpa Toner (Norwegian)
Hello and welcome to part sixteen of Murder Ballad Monday.
For several weeks, I have looked at versions of the traditional ballad
The Twa Sisters. I explored those versions which contained a supernatural
element where the murdered girl’s bones are turned into a musical instrument
and versions where the miller is also responsible for her death. We now move
back into the supernatural.
The Norwegian text was translated and adapted from a traditional
Scottish version of the ballad by a band called Folque back in
1974, but I prefer the rendition by Bergtatt (which means
bewitched in Norwegian). This song uses the exact same tune and as the one by
Pentangle which was recorded in 1970.
The refrain is:
Harp
tones tender and fine.
Fa
la la la la la la la la
You
can see the influence of Pentangle in the Fa
la la la la la la la la part of the refrain. Perhaps Folque heard the
Pentangle version and four years later recorded their own. Who knows.
Bergtatt
has recorded this ballad with lots of longing in the singer’s voice which I feel
fits the mood of the ballad. I have included a translation of the lyrics in
English below if you would like to follow along as you listen. Listen to the Bergtatt version here:
Here’s how it breaks down compared to other
versions:
Name of ballad: Harpa
Toner
Performed by: Bergtatt
Refrain:
Harp tones tender and fine.
Fa
la la la la la la la la la
Number of sisters: two
Number of sisters: two
Where did they live: by the shore
Appearance described as:
The young one went forth like the sun,
The
older lagged behind like a worm in the ground.
Sweetheart: Mentioned,
but not named
Excuse to go to the water:
“let us go down by the river”
Body of water: river
Does it contain the line “Sometimes
she sank, sometimes she swam”: no
Miller and child: no
Mistaken for: n/a
Described in death:
n/a
Who finds her on the bank: two
shepherds
Instrument she becomes: harp
Body parts used: leg
bone and two locks of hair
Would her song “melt a heart of
stone”: no
Do the strings sing individually: yes
What does the instrument sing:
It told of the bride's evil deeds which caused the bride to stand frozen on the spot.
It told of the bride's evil deeds which caused the bride to stand frozen on the spot.
Is the sister punished: doesn’t say,
but you presume so as her guilt is giving her away
Here are the lyrics if you would like to follow along. I have
eliminated the refrain so that it won’t be so long.
The
Harp
There
lived a farmer by the shore,
Harp tones tender and fine.
Two beautiful daughters he had.
Fa la la la la la la la la
The
elder to the younger said:
Let
us go down to the river.
The
young one went forth like the sun,
The
older lagged behind like a worm in the ground.
The
young one sat on a rock, (cliff)
The
older pushed (her off), she wasn't held back.
She
reached out her white hand,
And
cried : "sister help me ashore".
If
I won't help you,
Then,
your loved one shall be mine.
There
were two shepherds on the beach, (shore)
And
they saw the body floating to land.
They
took a bone (leg) from her body,
And
made a harp off of it.
They
took two locks of her hair,
And
golden harp strings they now got.
The
harp was brought to the sister's wedding,
And
on the stub it was placed.
It
was later this evening,
That
the harp started playing by itself.
When
the first string sounded, (was played)
It
told of the bride's evil deeds.
When
the second string was struck,
Harp
tones fine and tender,
The
bride froze in her place.
Fa
la la la la la la la la la
So, that’s it for version sixteen of The Twa Sisters. Stay
tuned next Monday for version seventeen.