Look at your life

Hello lovelies! It's my birthday, hoorah!

I am fifty! Half a century! Wow...how did that happen?

Some people don't like birthdays. I am not one of those people.
                                           
Some people fear getting older. I am not one of those people.

Some people (particularly women) worry about the effects of ageing. I am not one of those women.

Some women fear a milestone birthday because it means they are coming to the end of their fertility and the start of the menopause. I am not one of those women.

I love my birthday because I am so happy to still be here. Every anniversary of my birth is another chance to do good in the world.

I love my birthday because I love getting older. Don't get me wrong, I do not like getting OLD. My joints and chronic pain issues are more and more affected by the cold and damp which is a bit tricky as we live in Wales where it is perpetually cold and damp. But I do love getting older. Every year I am alive is another year that I have been married to the Amazing Spiderman. When I was 27 years old I had to face the idea that I might become a widow as my beloved was not responding to his cancer treatments,but here we are celebrating our 28th Christmas as a married couple. Every year that we get older together is the happiest year of my life.  We are growing older together.

I do understand that it is much harder to be a woman than a man on the ageing front. I get that. A man turns into a silver fox where grey hair is sexy whereas a woman in her thirties is told she is too old to play his love interest in a film. Perhaps I don't fear this as I am lucky to be ageing very slowly. I look basically like I did thirty years ago. If you look closely, there are a few silver hairs and wrinkles at the corners of my eyes. I am not as thin as I was on our wedding day (I was 90 lbs soaking wet) but I am healthier.

We all move through stages of life--maiden, mother and crone. Many of my older friends have alluded to me about the wisdom of the changes that will be coming for me in the next few years. I have to laugh because I am already a crone. I had an emergency hysterectomy ten years ago and so the wisdom phase of my life has already begun.

Birthdays are always a time for reflection. What have I done in the last year that brought Light to the world? What can I do in the upcoming year to make the world better? How can I stand up more effectively for the people and animals who are abused and neglected?

How can I be kinder to myself and judge myself less harshly? How can I love myself as much as I love the world? How can I use my voice to ask for what I need?

None of us know how long we have on this planet. If life is a book, some people only get a few chapters whereas some get a weighty tome. Being fifty years old means that there are more chapters behind me than in front of me. The Cruxshadows' song Birthday says:

So look at your life, who do you want to be before you die? 

Look at your life and what do you want to do.

So look at your life, who do you want to be before you die? 

Look at your life, you haven't got forever.

May this year be one where I learn and grow and help and be wise and surrender what does not bring me peace.