Friday, 3 June 2011

Over by the Nettos

My mum was saying she didn’t really get the idea of the rabbits from Watership Down being chavs because she didn’t have a good understanding of what a chav is. Here is a little something we tossed off a few years back. It is well funny innit (see you’re talking like a chav already! Just substitute well for very and tack on innit for isn’t it and you’re half way there!) While it is taking the piss out of chavs it is also an homage to that favourite childhood rhyme Over in the Meadow. If you don’t know the original poem this will not seem as dead clever as it actually is so take a squinty here   before you read our mock up version. Oh and for all my American peeps there is a dictionary that follows for all the British words you might not know. Cheers!

Over by the Nettos with their gold jewellery on,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvie one.
“Bling!” said the mother.
“I bling!” said the one.
So they sparkled like the sun with their gold jewellery on.

Over by the Nettos in a tracksuit made of blue,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies two.
“Hoodie!” said the mother.
“We hoodie!” said the two.
So they tried to look tough in their tracksuit made of blue.

Over by the Nettos with an alcopop so sweet,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies three.
“Drink!” said the mother.
“We drink!” said the three.
So they binged ‘til they puked on an alcopop so sweet.

Over by the Nettos like a cheap little whore,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies four.
“Tart!” said the mother.
“We tart!” said the four.
So they gave it up for free like a cheap little whore.

Over by the Nettos where the school kids skive,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies five.
“Skive!” said the mother.
“We skive!” said the five.
So they all hung around where the school kids skive.

Over by the Nettos with a fizzy drink and chips,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies six.
“Eat!” said the mother.
“We eat!” said the six.
So they all got fat on the fizzy drinks and chips.

Over by the Nettos with a bloke named Kevin,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies seven.
“Steal!” said the mother.
“We steal!” said the seven.
So they visit him in prison, this bloke named Kevin.

Over by the Nettos on the Newington Estate,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies eight.
“Skate!” said the mother.
“We SK8!” said the eight.
So they  skidded on their skateboards ’round the Newington Estate.

Over by the Nettos committing petty crimes,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies nine.
“ASBO!” said the mother.
“ We ASBO!” said the nine.
So they terrorize the town by committing petty crimes.

Over by the Nettos with their dope head friends,
Lived a young mother Chav and her little Chavvies ten.
“Smoke!” said the mother.
“We smoke!” said the ten.
So they puffed on their fags with their dope head friends.

Nettos - a supermarket chain that sells very low priced unhealthy processed food such as 25 bags of crisps for £1.

'chav' (slang) - a young person, often without a high level of education, who follows a particular fashion; Chavs usually wear designer labels including the chav favourite 'Burberry', and if they’re girls, very short skirts, large hoop earrings and stilettos.

For more about chavs go to

bling bling (slang) - synonym for expensive, often flashy jewellery sported mostly by African American hip-hop artists and middle class Caucasian adolescents.
Alcopop - a sweet fizzy alcoholic drink usually with about 5% of alcohol by volume, which makes them rather stronger than most beers. They specifically target younger drinkers as they taste as if it does not contain alcohol.

skive - Doing anything but that which you are supposed to be doing during a specific time frame. e.g. Pretending to do something for which you are being paid for, such as a your job, but instead doing other things (like having a laugh, phoning your friends, hiding from your boss, surfing the internet, playing computer games, having a sly cigarette) that are totally unrelated or unconnected to that which is within your job description.

Council Estate - the British term for a neighbourhood of purpose-built housing operated by a government agency, often simply referred to as "projects". The Newington Estate was the one right outside the Ramsgate school.

ASBO - an anti-social behaviour order (ASBO) is a civil order made against a person, as a result of persistent anti-social behaviour. The order bans a person from engaging in a specified form of anti-social behaviour, and/or bans them from entering a specified area. Breach of an ASBO can result in criminal penalties.
The definition of anti-social behaviour is wide-ranging. The Crime and Disorder Act 1998 ( defines anti-social behaviour as behaviour that "caused or was likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to one or more persons not of the same household." Cases of orders have included:
·        Vandalism
·        Abusive behaviour
·        Harassment

Fag- British slang for a cigarette

1 comment:

  1. Clear as a bell now!

    Very clever parody..........and I DO love that poem. Used to enjoy choral reading it with you when you were a wee one.

    Would perhaps Chav in America = Trailer Trash???