High as the proverbial kite

One of my favourite guilty pleasures is singing along to Afroman’s song Because I Got High. It follows the hapless journey of a man who has good intentions, but then gets high and doesn’t manage to get anything done. It features lyrics such as:

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
My room is still messed up and I know why

'cause I got high
'cause I got high
'cause I got high

I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I am taking it next semester and I know why

'cause I got high
'cause I got high
'cause I got high

I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
They took my whole paycheck and I know why

'cause I got high
'cause I got high
'cause I got high

I wasnt gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
Now I am a paraplegic and I know why

'cause I got high
'cause I got high
'cause I got high

  SIDE NOTE: I love this last verse because it reminds me of a Chris Rock public service announcement that reminds you “if the police have to come and get you, they're bringing an ass kickin' with them.”

Silent Bob and Jay

 The video was directed by indy film maker Kevin Smith features Jay and Silent Bob in the background getting high with Afro Man. Jay and Silent Bob (who is, indecently, played by Kevin Smith) are my favourite stoners since Cheech and Chong.

click on this to read the full horror of the text

What are you trying to say here, Spidergrrl? That you have a secret smoking habit? Don’t worry, man. I’m clean. I’ve seen the film Reefer Madness and I know what happens when you smoke Mary Jane. You play the piano in a manic fashion and waggle your eyebrows a lot. FACT.

Spiderman and I have recently been re-watching our DVD box set of the Granada telly series of Sherlock Holmes starring Jeremy Brett. Brett captures the angularity of Holmes so well that it drove him to a nervous breakdown because he was so absorbed in the part. We all know Holmes had a weakness for a 7% solution of cocaine injected into his veins. Watson was always troubled by his friend’s addiction and was forever furrowing his brow and tutting when he spotted Holmes’ syringe and vial of poison.

So we got to thinking. What if Afro Man wrote a song about Sherlock Holmes? We thought it would go something like this:

I was gonna solve the case until I got high.

I was gonna give some criminals chase but then I got high.

Watson’s giving me the stink eye and I know why

‘Cause I got high

‘Cause I got high

‘Cause I got high.

I was off the Scotland Yard but then I got high.

I wrote the murderer down on this card but then I got high.

Now they’ve arrested the wrong man and I know why

‘Cause I got high

‘Cause I got high

‘Cause I got high

So there you go. This is what we spend our life doing. What a load of nonsense.