Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Grudge match

If there was an Olympic medal for holding grudges, I would win the gold every time. FACT. Did I ever mention that my granny *stole* my playdough right out of my hands when I was three and made a blue kangaroo? Well, she did. She liked it so much she *kept* it. Not only did she mash up the whale I was making to make her own animal—but she wouldn’t give it back!!! That was 41 years ago and still get all cross thinking about it.

The other day on the way home from work I went to Sainsbury to “make groceries” as they say back in Louisiana. I carried heavy bags home, laid them down and went straight back out to the independent Health Food Shop. It was a Tuesday—which meant delivery day. I had ordered some jumbo raisins. I am extremely picky about raisins. As a child I was disgusted by them—I was once heard to say “I would rather eat a roach than eat a raisin.” They looked like flies with the wings pulled off. But these days I dig ‘em. But only—and it is a big only—only if they are not glazed in oil. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to glaze dried fruit in oil? And why, oh why, does it always seem to be palm oil? We try so hard to avoid palm oil as it is the cause of so much destruction of rainforest habitats. Oil on raisins makes me swear like a fecking navvy.

There are 2 brands of raisins that I can find that are not glazed in oil. Number One—Sun Maid.  They cost a bit over £3 for 500g but they are increasingly harder to find. Then there is the brand from the health food shop. They make *gorgeous* jumbo raisins (and they really mean jumbo), not glazed in oil and cost £1 less for 500g. So I ordered a bag because I have a new recipe I am really desperate to try. Picture caramelised onions in a rich, sweet, sticky sauce with chickpeas, raisins and pine nuts over barley couscous. I am really smacking for it. I *needed* those raisins.

I got to the shop and (cue dramatic music) dun dun DUN! There were no raisins. The shelf was empty. Empty I tell you—as empty as my heart when I saw it. I cried out, “Oh no! Did the raisins not come in?” as sometimes you order and your desired item was out of stock. No they came in. Twelve bags of raisins came in. Twelve bags of raisins—one of them which was supposed to be mine. Where had they gone?

 Well I’ll tell you. While I was at Sainsbury some couple came in and bought the lot. Bought them all and left no friendly bag to help me after.  The woman behind the counter was ever so nice—she hadn’t realised that one was supposed to be saved back for me. I mean, when you put twelve out, you don’t expect they will fly off the shelf at once. She was so excited that someone wanted to buy the lot she forgot to check the magic book where customer orders were recorded.

 So there were no raisins for me. Those people STOLE my raisins. They should be prosecuted!!! The Health Food Shop should be tried as an accessory for aiding and abetting the criminals!!!

I know it was an honest mistake…but I really feel hard done by and cannot seem to stop. Every time I think about it, I shake my fist at the couple and think about all the lovely unglazed raisins they will be enjoying. Because did I mention? After I was told she had sold all my raisins I exclaimed, “Oh no! It is so hard to find raisins not glazed in oil!” She laughed and replied, “That’s exactly what *they* said!”

Wearily I traipsed back to Sainsbury to see if I could get some Sun Maid. But no. Alas, there was none. Oh yes there were plenty of raisins. Oily shrivelled little buggers, not worthy of human consumption. Bags and bags of the stuff all glazed in the tears of orang-utans who have lost their homes through deforestation.  

Now there will be no lovely caramelised onion with chickpeas, raisins and pine nuts over barley couscous because as they say in Rasta Mouse “Dem people teefed my raisins!”

When I was relating this to Spiderman he seemed to find it really funny and said, “I don’t know whether to say Are you quite mad? Or Are you quite finished?”

I really am trying. I know I need to be more forgiving and less petty. I know God forgives every day all the things I do that I am sincerely sorry about, why can I not extend the same courtesy to others? It is just raisins we are talking about here—albeit very nice jumbo unglazed raisins. I will not go hungry because there are no raisins. I will simply have to choose another meal to cook. I may not want to, but I can. Other people are not so fortunate. Some people in the world have nothing to eat, where I have an infinite array of food to choose from.

Help me keep it in perspective, Lord. And please send me some raisins for next week.


  1. Thanks for the tip about the "oiled" raisins. But sorry about the greedy people. I will remember that the next time I buy out a certain product at the supermarket. Always leave at least one package for someone who is counting on it! ;) Wendy's Aunt Linda

  2. All I could think of as I read this was your righteous indignation at the playdoh all these years later (how well I remember the actual day the theft took place!). That brought to mind the day Loretta "helped" you with a drawing you were working on and actually had the temerity to mark on your paper instead of just telling you. You are a strong-minded and self-directed human, my chickadee.

    But then I thought: these people who stole your raisins are probably your kindred spirits. They too have 2 speeds only---full out and dead stop. And they too were on a quest and so excited to be able to find a treasure. I hope you get to meet them sometimes and become friends and share recipes and have a good laugh over how they cheated you out of your lovely dinner. (which DID sound delicious). xxxxoooo

  3. Are you Quite mad and are you Quite finished...That alone was worth the read. Still holding a grudge over Playdoh???