Monday, 13 January 2014

Sweet dreams (and variations thereupon)

Confession time.

 There is this *thing* I like to do for fun.

 It involves rhyming words.

 As an only child I often had to entertain myself and this is just one of the ways I did it. When I wasn’t making up stories about undersea kingdoms and telling them to my bemused bus driver or writing and directing plays all about Oz with me starring as Dorothy or teaching kids at school to be pickpockets for 25 cents a lesson  based on scenes from the film Oliver! that  I had seen on the telly (yes, these are all things I *actually* did as a child) then I was rhyming.

 Spiderman likes to point out that Sybil’s mother, who was paranoid schizophrenic, used to like to rhyme as well. You remember Sybil don’t you? She was so abused by her mother that Sybil split into a dozen personalities to cope. It’s true. I saw it on telly. Although, apparently all that multiple personality stuff has been revealed to be a hoax (except the bit about her mum being mentally ill—that bit was true).

But liking to rhyme doesn’t make you crazy. Eccentric perhaps, but not crazy.  

The other night we were just going to bed. The lights were out and Spiderman said, “Sweet dreams!” and my mind suddenly started to race. As I began to giggle and spout off variations thereupon he said,

“I mean this in the kindest way possible…will you shut up and go to sleep, please.”

So there it is, best beloved. I only have you to share my rhymes with.

Sweet dreams.

Beat dreams--dreams of poets wearing black polo necks, smoking and drinking coffee

Bleat dreams--dreams about sheep and the noises they make

Cleat dreams--dreams of spiky shoes footballers wear

Crete dreams--dreams of a small Greek island or a friend from high school named LeCrete, if you happen to have had one (which I did)

Cheat dreams--dreams of winning dishonestly

DEET dreams--dreams of mosquito repellent

Feet dreams--dreams about…feet (obviously)

Fleet dreams--dreams about a group of boats

Greet dreams--dreams of waving hello to people

Heat dreams--dreams of being too warm

Keat(s) dream--dreams of a Romantic Victorian  poet (not to be confused with Shelley, Byron or Coleridge dreams)

Meet dreams--dreams of running into old friends (see Greet dreams)

Meat dream--dreams of being a carnivore (a nightmare for vegans!)

Peat dreams--dreams of bags of compost

Pete dreams--dreams of your least favourite member of the Monkees. Tork rhymes with dork for a reason.

Parakeet dream--dreams of small chirpy birds

Sweet dreams--dreams of small individually  wrapped chocolates

Seat dream--dreams of where to put your bottom

Tweet dreams-- dreams of the noises small chirpy birds make (see Parakeet dreams)

Teat dreams--dreams of milking a cow

Treat dreams--dreams of rewarding yourself with a bit of chocolate (see Sweet dreams)

Tweat dreams--dreams of rewarding yourself with a bit of chocolate if you are Jonathan Ross or Barbara Walters.

VEET dreams--dreams of using a stinky depilatory cream

Wheat dreams--dreams of bread (a  nightmare for celiacs)

So there you have it.

Wasn’t that fun?

Free entertainment for hours guaranteed, I promise.

Spiderman stop rolling your eyes at me.

Now go and rhyme it for yourself!


  1. Nice rhyming blog...sliming, criming, liming...Those could be fun!