Smoke me a (pepper) I’ll be back for breakfast

Anyone a fan of Red Dwarf? Space pilot and all round cool guy Ace Rimmer always says “Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.” Which annoys the other Rimmer because a cooler version of  himself has just dimension jumped into his universe making him look like a bit of a wanker. But to be fair, he still looked like that even without the uber-cool Ace Rimmer. When he tried to use the catch phrase it came out like “Stoke me a clipper, I’ll be back for Christmas.”

What does this have to do with *anything* I hear you cry? Well, not much if I’m honest. It is a rather (tenuous) link to the fact that we bought a tin of chipotle peppers in  adobe sauce at Whole Foods the last time we were in London. This was a real treat because I can’t find these smoky peppers locally.

 But you only use a bit a time, so what’s a thrifty spider to do with what’s left? Freeze them, of course!

I poured the whole tin of whole peppers and spicy sauce into my food processor and WHAM! Pureed it up into a lovely, smoky, spicy gloop. Then I carefully spooned it into ice cube trays. I was shocked because it made 23 cubes which more than makes up for spending £3 and a bit on the tin.

Then I froze them for 24 hours, popped them out of the ice trays (washed the trays well to get rid of the smoky smell) and plonked those babies in a ziplock freezer bag. Oh, yeah.

Now when I want one all I do is pull one out and after the onion has cooked down a bit and started to caramelise I chuck a cube (or 2) in the hot and pot and it melts and coats the onions before I add all the other ingredients and the end product is a smoky, spicy treat.

 I am so thrilled I did this and it doesn’t take up much space in our tiny freezer but it sure makes a difference in the taste of the meal.

Mmmmmm……now go and do it yourself!    

Lemon Blueberry Cornmeal Cake

We’ve been on a healthy dessert kick recently. I saw this recipe on http://www.neverhomemaker.com/2013/01/lemon-cornmeal-cake-blueberries.html  and knew we had to make it. I recall once splitting a slice of polenta cake at a Pizza Express with my Mother-In-Law and it was delish. This recipe is just like that--tart from the lemon with a hint of sweetness and a few bursts of blueberries. Plus healthy, but it doesn’t taste like it. That’s the best kind.

I did adapt the recipe slightly (Spiderman says this is a pathological trait with me--I can’t cook without a small tweak) 

Preheat your oven to 180C/350F

Lemon Blueberry Cornmeal Cake

You need:

1 cup rolled oats, pulsed into flour

2/3 cup yellow cornmeal (I used fine polenta)

1 TB baking powder

½ tsp sea salt

Juice of 2 lemons (1/3 cup)

Zest of one lemon

¼-1/3 cup sugar (I used ¼ cup Light at Heart--half Demerara sugar half stevia-- which is as sweet as ½ cup sugar)

½ cup “milk” (she used almond milk I used Oatly)

1 flax egg (1 TB ground flax mixed with 3 TB hot water and allowed to jell for a few minutes)

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 cup frozen blueberries (she used ½ a cup blueberries but for me I wanted more so I just dumped the whole punnet in there)

How to do it:

Note: she cooked hers in a cast iron pan that she preheated in the oven and it took half as long as mine did in my 9 inch ceramic pie pan that was not preheated. We once tried to preheat the ceramic pan and then spoon cold dough with frozen blueberries into it and the pan exploded. Not fun. So I’ll give directions for both kinds of pans.

1. In a food processor, pulse your oats until they resemble flour. Then briefly pulse in the cornmeal, baking powder and salt. Pour into a large mixing bowl

2. Add the rest of the ingredients--minus the blueberries--and mix until well combined.

Note: mine was a bit like a science experiment--the baking soda and the lemon made a fizzing noise when I mixed them. That was the fun bit!

3. Stir in the blueberries.

4. EITHER take out your hot cast iron pan and add a TB of oil and pour it in and swirl it around to grease the pan OR do like I did and grease your not preheated pan well with some oil.

5. Pour the mixture into the pan.

6. If you are baking in the preheated cast iron pan she said bake it for 15-20 minutes until centre is set. If you are baking in the not preheated  pan then bake for 30-35 minutes until golden brown and set.

7. Let cool before slicing into wedges.

8. Optional: glaze with ¼ cup sifted icing sugar and a drizzle of “milk” to make it

glaze-y. It hardens into a sweet crackle top that is a nice contrast to the tartness below.

The second best bit after the fizzing is this:

When you’ve eaten a few wedges it looks like PAC-MAN!

C is for Cookie (and Chickpeas)

Recently we had a meeting at church where we were required to provide tea and goodies for all those attending. On occasions such as this is my job to provide something vegan and gluten free so others like me can enjoy a treat along with everyone else. I know from experience how sad you feel (and hungry) when everyone else gets homemade baked goods and there is nothing for you. So I made a batch of my secret ingredient cookies. Don’t look at me like that. These are rich and moist and  like tiny bites of cake and very morish.

C is for Cookie (and Chickpeas)

Preheat oven to 180C/350F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

1 tin chickpeas drained and well rinsed (I find tinned ones to better for this than home cooked ones--you want mushy ones not firm ones)

1.5 TB liquid sweetener--maple syrup, agave, whatever--I used golden syrup

1.5 TB rapeseed (canola) oil

¼ tsp blackstrap molasses

1 tsp cinnamon

¼ tsp nutmeg

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 flax egg (1 TB flax meal mixed with 3 TB hot water and allowed to gel for a few minutes)

1/3-½ cup brown sugar  (I used Tate and Lyle Light at Heart which is half Demerara sugar half stevia--¼ cup = ½ cup sweetness)

Mix all this in your food processor.

Then blend in

¼ cup gluten free flour. Not the kind with starch--just flour. I used buckwheat. You could probably use wholemeal pastry flour if you don’t need to be gluten free.

Spoon into a bowl and mix in

2-3 TB chocolate chips, 2-3 TB dried cranberries and (optionally) 2-3 TB sunflower seeds.

Then form into walnut sized balls  and bake for 15-18 minutes. Mine were really moist inside at 15 minutes--like eating raw cookie dough (which is not that bad…) but at 18 minutes were brown on the outside and cooked in the middle like little cakes. It made 15 cookies.

They were snaffled up by everyone--not just special diet people so I know they were good.

Now go make them yourself.

Sneaky Snake

I had a weird dream last night--Spiderman would say when did I not have weird dreams--but this one was doozy.

I was at school, minding my business on the way to the photocopier when I spied 3 large black snakes slithering down the corridor. I quickly moved in for a closer look and I could see the mark on the back of their neck and recognised that they were COBRAS. Cobras! In school! Oh No!


Bravely, I grabbed a push broom and managed to herd them into the music room and slammed the door. Then I sent someone to tell the office to phone the police and another person to find the caretaker to lock the door. I could see the cobras rolling around on the floor with some recorders and felt very frightened.

Whilst I was waiting for the caretaker several children came up and asked to be let in to the music room to retrieve their musical instrument. "YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE BECAUSE THE ROOM IS FULL OF COBRAS!" I shouted. No one else seemed to be taking this as seriously as I was. I made a sign and taped it to the door that read:
WARNING--DANGEROUS COBRAS

Just then our secretary came to tell me that the police told her to phone the London Zoo and so she had. As I was waiting for some experienced herpetologist from the Zoo to arrive several more children came by and asked to enter the music room. By now the snakes were all coiled around the Djembe drums. "NO!" I shouted. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! THERE ARE COBRAS IN THERE!"  Then a child pointed through the window and said, "Well if I can't go in, how come Will can go in?" To my horror I noticed a boy from year 4 in the music room. Oh dear God--I had locked the boy in with the cobras! He was "off with the fairies" as they say--completely oblivious to the danger. "WILL!" I hissed (the irony of why I was whispering to avoid being heard by snakes was not lost on me--the hissing made me feel rather like a snake myself which made me all shivery)and I finally got his attention and managed to get him out of the room unharmed.

Just then someone from the Zoo arrived with a tube of anti-venom and a hook and a large bag. He was in there several minutes before he came and told me that these were, in fact, ROBOT COBRAS, not real ones. I was shocked and embarrassed by the fact that I had been fooled, but he kindly said, "Don't worry Miss, they were startlingly realistic. Anyone not a professional like myself would have been fooled."

Then I woke up. So yeah...just a normal night for me. But I did say to Spiderman, "I wish I could have found out who was controlling the robot cobras" and he replied:

IT WAS ME.
(which cracked me up)

So yeah, just an average day for us as a married couple. Sweet dreams!

A diploma, a watch and a medal

It sounds like the start of one of those dreadful jokes. You know which ones I mean. A diploma, a watch and a medal walk into a bar…

Thankfully this is not where that is going. Do you recall, oh best beloved, when I write about the wonderful weekend and we saw the Hollywood Costume exhibit at the V&A? The two souvenirs I bought were the replica heart shaped watch given to the Tin Man and the medal of courage given to the Cowardly Lion. They did not sell a diploma or certificate for the Scarecrow--they has fake plastic straw to tie around your wrists and ankles instead.

I will be honest--there is no way on earth that these are really designed for children. They are plastic. They are cheap. In no more than two minutes (and 30 seconds for some more rowdy children) these would be crushed and destroyed. End of story.  Which is a shame because as a child I would have loved to play with them--I spent great portions of my youth writing Oz adventure scripts and making up dialogue and assigning roles to unwilling children (I often played the duel roles of Dorothy and the Wicked Witch ) and ready made props would have come in handy. I could never understand why no one else seemed to be as obsessed with Oz as I was. Perhaps this was because they often made snide remarks about my silver slippers and I hit them over the head with a script whilst explaining for the millionth time that the shoes were only RED in the film. You see, it was perfectly alright for ME to pick and choose which elements of the film and book I wanted to use, but not for anyone else. It is a wonder I had any friends at all.

But anyway. Whilst they may not be for playing with--they look really good and so I knocked up a diploma using a printer and some parchment paper and red ribbon I had and  using a discarded frame and some fabric made this:

Now the interesting thing is whilst I preferred the silver slippers to the ruby, I always preferred the items given by the Wizard to the Scarecrow, Tin Man (real name Nick Chopper) and Lion from the film They are very different in the book.

The scarecrow: 

FILM: a diploma that made him a doctor of thinkology

BOOK: his head was filled with bran (to give him a bran-new brain) and then was filled with pins and needles to prove that he is sharp.

The Tin Man:

FILM: a heart shaped watch on a chain that ticked like a heartbeat

BOOK: The wizard used tin snips to cut a small square shaped hole in his chest and inserted a small red silk heart stuffed with sawdust and the soldered the tin square back in place

The Cowardly Lion:

FILM: He was given a medal for bravery

BOOK: he was given some “liquid courage” from a square green bottle. After he drank it he felt brave. It is interesting that even back in 1900 the term liquid courage was used as a reference to alcohol.

I still love the film and the book in equal measures and therefore collect both film and book memorabilia. Spiderman will hang it on the wall up high so no one (and by no one I mean me, obviously) is tempted to fiddle with it and break it.

There’s no place like home.

TARDIS Time

Someone call the Doctor

On Saturday we woke up early and had a big breakfast at our hotel and then called a cab to come and take us to the other hotel where the convention was taking place. It was actually cheaper to stay elsewhere and take a cab than to stay at the event venue--plus the hotel where the convention was only had a “continental breakfast” which pretty much rules everything out for someone like me who can’t eat wheat. We could have probably walked it but with the snow (which was still coming down) and the freezing temperatures, the pavement (sidewalks) were like an ice rink and so it was easier to pay £6 for a taxi then to fall and break a bone.

We got there and when we registered we were quite early so we were assigned the numbers 32 and 33. I really wanted 33 because 3 is my favourite number but Spiderman had already stuck the number 33 wristband around his wrist with that glue that never comes undone and you have to cut the wristband off at the end of the day so I settled for the 32 which I consoled myself with the knowledge that it was 10 less than 42 (which is the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything according to Douglas Adams.) Spiderman says I just over think these things too much. It’s just a bloody number. Humph.

This was a special sort of convention in that it was for charity and was organised by Peter Davison for dear friend and former travelling companion on the TARDIS Tegan played by Janet Fielding. Janet has had a rough bout with cancer (we suspect bowel cancer from all the bum jokes they were throwing around) and she’s still not out of the woods yet so Davison helped to organise a charity fundraiser to keep her spirits up and to raise cash for her pet project Project Motor House. This is in Ramsgate--the very first town we lived in when we first moved to the UK. Project Motor House aims to save a derelict building (the old Motor Museum) and turn it into venue where local youth can develop the confidence to start their own business. It will be renovated and then feature things like a cinema and theatre with the work being done by youth training to be apprentices and then staffed by them as well to teach them how to run a business. We lived there for eight months and saw our share of disaffected youth and know how important this is. If you want to know more or to donate check this out: www.projectmotorhouse.org.uk

But then the fun started! We were asked to line up in number order and we queued to have our photos made with some of the Doctors! Squeal! We got into the photo room and there they were:

Organiser of the event--Doctor Number 5 Peter Davison

His son-in-law --Doctor Number 10 David Tennant

Living cartoon character--Doctor Number 7 Sylvester McCoy

Deep, melodious voice--Doctor Number 8 Paul McGann

We each stepped up and had our photo made. David Tennant said a cheery Scottish good morning to me which caused me to grin like the Cheshire Cat and then FLASH! It was Spiderman’s turn. As he walked up we saw Peter Davison gawk at his spider belt buckle which made me laugh and then when the FLASH went off for his photo I was so excited over at the side that I did a bit of a leap in the air which all the Doctors smiled at and pointed my way as if to say, “Isn’t it adorable how excited she is?” Or Spiderman’s version, “Who let that mad woman out of the attic?”

While we were waiting for the other 277 people to have their photo made  we went over and met actor Simon Fisher-Becker an actor from the latest Doctor Who series. He was larger than life in the theatrical sense and we had a nice chat about the fact that every time he has to play Dorium Moldova (known in this house as “big blue guy from space.” ) they make him shave his head. It takes six months for it to grow back. “That’s dedication to the craft, luvvy. One has to suffer for one’s art,” he purred. 

Then it was off to a Q&A with the four Doctors and they were joined by Tegan (Janet Fielding) who looked pretty good since as she said had been turned into “crispy fried Fielding” from the radiation treatments. It was great to just hear the Doctors reflecting on the impact the show has had on them as well as talking about their stage and radio work.

After that was an auction for things we desired greatly but had no money for. Clearly other people did--bids went up to £1000 for some things. There was an auction for a very 80’s looking skirt and blouse that Tegan wore quite a lot in the show.

We would have LOVED a signed copy of the script for Blink as it is one of our favourite episodes.  But yeah..it went for over £1000 in the end I think. So here’s a picture of me hamming it up with one of the Weeping Angels from Blink. 

Don't blink. Blink and you're dead.

Then we sat down for our packed lunch. I had baked some gluten free seeded rolls before we left and so we brought some with us and at the hotel we spread on some peanut butter, chopped banana and a drizzle of golden syrup and voila! Lovely sammiches. We also had some pop chips (which are potato crisps that are low fat because they are popped not fried--they are all the rage here) plus a chocolate mint Nak’d bar made from nuts and dates as well as an apple. It was a cheap lunch but a reasonably healthy one. After lunch we took some more pictures of me messing about. Here’s one of me with a Cyberman circa Peter Davison

Delete! Delete!

Then it was on to the best bit--the autographs! They were really strict--one autograph per person. They had people who ticked off your programme after you had seen a Doctor so you couldn’t sneak back in and get some more. Spiderman has been collecting Doctor Who autographs in his copy of the book The Five Doctors for about 30 years. He saw several Doctors at a convention in New Orleans back in the day (sadly Doctor Number 2 Patrick Troughton died en route to the New Orleans convention) but now, with the exception of the current Doctor Matt Smith we have every living Doctor in the book. Sadly, the first three Doctors are dead. It has been going on for nearly 50 years after all!

Anyway, we picked up our photos and then did what British people do best--queue. Every Doctor was incredibly nice and friendly and made excellent small talk. I got my photo signed by all of them --Spiderman did as well but opted to have Tennant sign the book to complete the collection so he only got 3 Doctors on the photo since they really were watching like hawks to make sure you didn’t get 2 autographs. We also had a nice chat with self-described “mouth on legs” Janet Fielding and got her picture autographed (we were each given an 8x10 publicity photo of her in our information pack)  Here’s my photo with the Doctors. Could I look any happier?

It is interesting that my photo had a lot more “flair” to it--love and xx for kisses and Sylvester McCoy drew a silly arrow pointing to himself. I think this is because I am adorable and Spiderman is a weirdy-beardy bloke.

Afterwards we went to get the autograph of Doctor Number 6 Colin Baker who had been rehearsing for a play in Lincoln and had come after rehearsals despite the weather for a signing.

I should also like to note all the people who came fully dressed up in costume. There were loads of people dressed in cricket whites with a stalk of celery attached to their lapel (Peter Davison) and sport coat with sweater vest covered in ?????? and an umbrella (Sylvester McCoy) and a blue suit with brown pin stripes and a long floor length camel coat (David Tennant) and a few tweed jacket with bow tie and either fez or cowboy hat (Matt Smith)--there was even a Colin Baker in his mixed-up-bit-of-everything clown outfit. Oh! And there was even this big bloke who came dressed as Tegan in a replica of the famous top that was auctioned and a black leather mini skirt! It was a sight to see!

All too soon it was time to go back to the hotel. Our friendly taxi man who had dropped us off arrived just in time to pick us up and we were whizzed back to the hotel where we took a quick detour next door to Sainsburys where we bought some hummus and some marinated tofu. That coupled with some oatcakes we brought and the leftover fruit and chocolate bar were enough to get us through the night.

Sunday morning (still snowing) we got up, had another fab breakfast and then walked to the nearby train station on the icy pavement being too cheap to pay for another taxi. Then back to Paddington, back to King’s Cross and then back to Hitchin after the wonderful weekend. Which turned into the long wonderful weekend as we didn’t have school on Monday due to adverse weather. Hoorah!

Clothes maketh the man (and woman)

This is part one of the saga of the wonderful weekend. It was meant to be two separate trips on Friday night and Saturday morning but due to inclement weather (It was -7 degrees and we’ve had heavy snow) we decided to just stay over in a hotel in case trains weren’t running and boy am I glad we did because it snowed/sleeted non-stop all weekend and several trains (including the one we needed on Saturday) were called off or had severe delays. Staying overnight meant we missed most of the closures.

 First, on Friday afternoon we went to the V&A museum to see an exhibit about Hollywood costumes. Despite being one of those timed ticket things where you could only go in at a certain time to prevent overcrowding--it was mega crowded. But we didn’t care.

 

The first costume we saw was the green velvet dress made from curtains worn by Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind. 


Spiderman and I both thought you should have also had the costume worn by Carol Burnett in the parody where she leaves the curtain rod in

 

We also saw a costume worn by Charlie Chaplin in The Little Tramp.  Each of the costume displays had this interactive computer screen with information about the costume or a quote from the actor or designer. This was sometimes informative but mostly annoying. What happened to placards that you read? Anyway, the interesting fact here was that Chaplin wore shoes several sizes too big for him for this character.

 

We then saw the costumes from Brokeback Mountain (or “cowboys eating pudding” if you are Cartman) . I found these very interesting because whilst they both wore cowboy hats there were subtle differences between a Texas hat and a Wyoming hat. Who knew? Also the designer talked about the cowboys would have worn tighter wranglers  and  the ranchers levis because of the way that they fit. Again who knew? This was the first costumes to talk about one of my favourite jobs in the world of costume making--distressing. This is where you make something new look old. I can recall having to run a pair of overalls over with my car in a mud puddle to get the desired worn effect for a play I was costuming at Uni.

 

The next bit of distressing was described in the costume worn by Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. To distress his hat they rubbed it with mineral oil and fullers earth and then stepped on it, sat on it and generally squashed it. Even Harrison Ford got to sit on it for a bit. His leather jacket was distressed by using acid of some sort and dirt and steel wool which the designer said ruined her hands.

 

We also saw the costume for Darth Vader which was massively tall (David Prowse who wore it was 6 foot 7 inches tall) but was made in pieces so it could take apart easily so he could be comfortable between shots.  Also the control panel on the front looked a bit crap. It really looked better on film--in person it was like something you knocked up in your bedroom for Halloween out of a cereal box that you painted black and some plastic lids from a milk carton.

 

There were several superhero costumes on display--Batman, Spiderman and Catwoman. Sadly, they were all placed really high up and could hardly be seen. Batman was on a ledge, Spidey was climbing up a wall and Catwoman was up on top of  a canopy near the ceiling.  I really wanted to see Catwoman as  I wanted to see how the stitching that was decorative was different from the stitching that held it together.  But you couldn’t see it at all. Crumbs.

 

There were several other interesting costumes--too many to name. But the real reason we went was to see this:

The dress worn by Judy Garland as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. It was the last costume on show and by now the crowds had died down and so I was able to have a good long look at it without feeling like I was holding everyone up.  It was gorgeous to see up close--the detailed rick-rack around the neck and sleeves. There are actually 2 styles of the dress worn in the film. When she leaves Munchkin land the dress is plainer and more boxy. When they get cleaned up in the Emerald City it is the same dress, but the cut is slightly fuller, the sleeves ever so puffier. Subtle but enough to somehow make her look more beautiful in it. It was impossible to tell on the mannequin which dress this was--but I suspect the first one as the skirt seemed to be cut more straight rather than more A-line. There were also ruby slippers, but clearly just replicas as they were just sequined not done with swarovski crystals like the real shoes were. Plus they were huge so they may have belonged to Bobbie Koshay (Dorothy’s stand in who had bigger feet) Still it was wonderful to see it up close.

 

Every trip need souvenirs, right? There were several Ruby Slipper items available--earrings and broach for £25--but none seemed right. Especially as those of us in the know about Oz know that the slippers were actually SILVER and only made RUBY for Technicolor. But then back in the children’s souvenir section we found something. There were (rather cheaply made but good looking) plastic replicas of the medal of courage given to the Lion and the heart pocket watch given to the Tin Man and so we bought these. I can easily make a diploma for the Scarecrow and make some sort of display. They also had a Dorothy costume which excited me greatly but the label said for ages 5-7 so I was really disappointed.

 

They also seemed to have lots of imported American sweets. There was Laffy Taffy (God--I used to love that--but looking at the ingredient list was like reading the back of a tin of pesticide) and Tootsie Rolls but there was our old favourite--Junior Mints. Spiderman and I used to love to eat these when we pulled an “all nighter” at Uni and then follow it on with Dr Pepper as it made your burps taste hot and cold at the same time. Spiderman denies all knowledge of this but he is the one who taught me so I know it’s true.

 

I was sure Junior Mints weren’t vegan. I think at one time they had gelatine and or shellac as a glaze. But we scoured the ingredients and discussed them and could see nothing suspect (well, nothing not vegan--it was fairly suspect on the health front) but we spent £2 on a small box for old time’s sake(“Excuse me, I bought a box of Junior Mints and now I have no money”) Sadly there was no Dr Pepper, but I had forgotten the strength of the peppermint and the deepness of the chocolate. Bliss. But at £2 and all sorts of hydrogenated this and corn syrup that, I doubt we will ever eat them again. But it was a treat.

 

Then we tubed to Paddington Station and took the train out to Slough for the next leg of the wonderful weekend. We were going to a Doctor Who Convention!!!!!!!  We booked a hotel near the event that was right next to a Sainsburys so we could buy food to save money instead of having to pay for a restaurant. Plus our hotel had a rocking breakfast--cereal (soya milk on request), fresh fruit, hash browns, cowboy beans and grilled mushrooms. Enough to fill us up so we didn’t have to just pack a suitcase full of food to get through Saturday. 

 

Stay tuned for part two of the wonderful weekend--Doctor Who Day!