Q: What do you call a rabbit who is always telling jokes?

A: A funny bunny! Boom Boom!

 What is the best part of celebrating Christmas? Why the crackers of course! You get a paper hat and a groan worthy joke, what’s not to love? Plenty I hear Spiderman whisper in my ear. I am ignoring you, honey.

 Why not do the same for Easter?

 

It seems I am not alone in this idea as a quick internet search shows lots of shops are cashing in on this idea and making loads of money off of it. There’s probably also contains a “cheap plastic toy with limited functionality” (to quote our friend Matazone Haggis) which was always the worse, most useless bit.

 

What can a poor but resourceful Spidergrrl do? Make them herself for FREE. That’s right AM DDIM. That’s Welsh for free. We had friends come to stay for Easter weekend so I thought this would be a perfect way to celebrate. More on our lovely visit in another post.

 

When our lovely friends Lorna and Rachel came to visit us a month ago they brought some reusable, refillable plastic Easter eggs. At Christmas when the Quakers sent us a huge parcel of deliciousness it came with several sheets of lavender tissue paper which I carefully saved.

So I cut some lovely crowns from the tissue (lavender is such a spring colour) and wrote some Easter/spring/rabbit jokes that I found on the internet on little bits of paper.

 

Then I folded them up tight and popped them in the eggs. Presto! Instant crackers.

 

OK, they don’t go BANG! like the Christmas ones do, but they look like eggs so it totally makes up for it. Spiderman really hates the BANG! so this is a little nod  in his direction that says I hear you honey. I have made them as painless as I can.

 

I *still* made him wear the hat. 

Pasg Hapus!

 Wishing everyone a Pasg Hapus (Happy Easter)

Easter is a time of renewal of Life and Hope which I pray will fill us all with a sense Peace and Light and give us more opportunities to spread the message of Love and Compassion to the world.

Let us be your beacons, Lord.

Amen.

La La La La.....Lemon

 

 

Do you remember Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street?  Of course you do unless you were raised by wolves/on a desert island/on the moon. Who doesn’t love Bert and Ernie?

 

The La La La Song is one of my many favourite interactions between them. Bert is trying to think of something to do with the letter L and Ernie suggests a sort of La La La song. Bert is a muppet after my own heart with his love for the beauty of the ordinary word, his paperclip collection and oatmeal. He also adores pigeons and is fascinated by how they walk (he invented a whole dance called Doin’ the Pigeon)  despite most people thinking they are vermin. His favourite number is  6 and he is president of the National Association of W Lovers. We also agree on the importance of comfortable footwear--he prefers saddle shoes with argyle socks and I love trainers. In many ways Je suis Bert.

 

Anyway, Bert sings about words like Lemon and Light bulb and Lamppost and Lump in (his) oatmeal. Ernie suggests some words that are more Lilting and Lovely like Laughter  and Lullaby and Lollypop and Lights in the sky when suddenly Bert is struck with the thought of a beautiful word…..Linoleum. How I adore that pointy headed, unibrowed muppet.

 

You can watch them sing it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOKcG-B3VkA  or if you cannot access video read a transcript here www.metrolyrics.com/la-la-la-lyrics-sesame-street.html  and then come back for my Lovely Lemon Poppy Seed cake recipe.

 

I got this recipe from Chocolate Covered Katie’s blog. Her healthy decadent vegan recipes are amazing and I have just ordered her cookbook with some money from an Amazon gift card from my in-laws (thanks Roy, Julie and Christopher!!) It is based on a lemon cake from Starbucks which is apparently really good but also really high in fat and sugar. I saw this and *knew* we had to have it so I went out to Poundland (think Dollar Store for my American peeps) and bought me a loaf tin for £1. 

 

Her recipe is here. www.chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2015/03/24/starbucks-lemon-cake-healthy/  I added poppy seeds (or poopy seeds as auto-correct seems to think I mean. Um…I don’t. ) just cause lemon goes well with poppy seeds. But be careful! Poppy seeds can give you a false positive on a drug test (seriously) so don’t eat the whole cake at once if you have to pee in a cup if you know what I mean.

 

Lemon Poppy Seed Cake

 

Preheat your oven to 180C/350F.

Lightly grease a loaf tin--hers is 8 x 5 but I think mine is 9 x 5. Add a bit of parchment paper down the long sides and across the bottom. You cake will be super easy to lift out of the tin after baking. Seriously. Why have I never tried this before?

look how easy this is going to be to remove!

 

WET

¼ cup soy yogurt

Zest of 1 lemon

½ cup lemon juice ---I used juice of one fresh lemon (the one I zested) and then the rest bottled lemon juice and it came out fine.

3.5 TB rapeseed oil (or more yogurt to make it oil free. I used 2 TB oil and 1.5 more yogurt)

½ TB vanilla essence

 

DRY

1 cup wholemeal spelt flour (could use wholemeal wheat flour)

Scant ½ tsp baking SODA

¼ tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt

½ cup sugar (I used ¼ cup Tate and Lyle Demerara sugar with stevia--same sweetness as ½ cup)

1 TB poppy (not poopy!) seeds

 

(non) Optional Glaze--¼ cup powdered icing sugar + 1 tsp lemon juice.

 

1. In a bowl whisk the wet ingredients together.

2. In a separate bowl stir dry ingredients together.

3.  Mix wet with dry and stir until just combined.

4. Spoon into loaf pan and smooth top.

5. Bake 25 minutes or until loaf has risen and a toothpick comes out clean from the centre.

6. Let cool a few minutes and then use parchment paper to carefully lift out (so easy!) and continue cooling on a wire rack. When cooled top with glaze.

7. For optimum freshness store in the fridge.

 

Luscious Lemon Cake

It was delicious--tangy and refreshing. Lightly sweet. Really yum and super easy. It came together quickly. We will definitely make this again and the brightness of the lemon really cheered me up after recent disappointments.

 

La La La La….Lovely.

 

 

 

 

 

Curses, foiled again

I had another very successful interview. Upon entering the room I was congratulated on being short listed as there were 45 applications for the job. That of all the applications mine was the most interesting. They were so looking forward to meeting me. The air was electric as we talked and I was radiating love and kindness and positive energy. The panel kept saying what a pleasure, a genuine pleasure, it was to meet me. I was told the headteacher would be phoning late afternoon with the results.

The headteacher didn't phone until nearly 8pm. She sounded sad and weary. Almost tearful. She said they had been so looking foward to meeting me. That my application had stood out like a beacon from the others. That in all her years of being a headteacher, she had NEVER had such glowing references. They were so keen to meet me  and I did not disappoint. She used the phrase "we were fascinated by you" at least five times and the phrase "we were simply captivated" twice.

I didn't get the job. 

She explained ever so regretfully that the position was foundation/key stage one (ages 3-6) and my experience was with key stage 2 (ages 7-11) and they had someone who was not nearly as dynamic as me, but who had many years experience at that level and they felt they had to go with them. The reason she was phoning so late was they had been trying find a way to hire me as well. She was heartbroken as they were all so impressed, but I just didn't have enough experience with that age group.

Sigh...

She asked me was I working and I said no and she exclaimed "how are you not working? You NEED to be in a school!" She asked if I had registed with an agency I said yes but that it hadn't brought me any work and she told me the name of the agency they use and suggested I register with them and so they might be able to use me here and there for supply work. She also asked if I would be interested in coming to do some storytelling or storytelling workshops at the school. I said yes and after the Easter holidays maybe we can work something out. And while the offer of some volunteer storytelling work is great, it does not solve our financial issues or pay the £5 for the bus to get to the school.

I am beyond disapointed. How does this keep happening???? They think I am wonderful and then don't hire me!!! This is the third time I have had feedback like this after an interview. Both this one and my last school interview could not believe someone hadn't snapped me up already.

Yes, I am wondering that as well. Despite many things being so good in our lives this is the one area (and it is a big area) that I feel really disapointed with. I do not understand if I am so good, why no one will hire me. Everyone seems so reluctant and apologetic when they have to tell me no which should make it feel better. 

Somehow it doesn't.

I had a pretty rough night. Some tears, some wallowing in self pity and general grumpiness. Some ranting and railing and talking bollocks.  But it is a good sign that despite the fact that they cannot seem to hire me they liked me. they really liked me. (to quote Sally Field in her Oscar speech) because it means that if something DOES come up they will keep me in mind.

I am counting my blessings every minute of the day and that seems to soothe the pain in my heart.

I am loved by so many people. Even our friends Constantine who sells the Big Issue (a magazine that homeless or vulnerably housed people can sell to make money. It is not a charity--they buy the magazine for one price and sell for a higher price) is rooting for me. When I bought my magazine today he told me that a lady was handing out cards advertising a tutoring agency in town and he got one for me. So this afternoon I have sent them an email and a CV describing my skills, experience and availability so fingers crossed. I worked for a year at  a similar placed called Sylvan Learning Centre in Louisiana and really enjoyed it.

I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have friends from near and far who are dear to me. We have more friends from England coming to visit at Easter. I am loved. I can be disappointed and still appreciate  those things.

In the scheme of things I am really blessed.

Peachy Tea, tee hee

Holy Moly I have discovered Raspberry Peach Tea.

Oh

My

Stars.

 For years I was a tea deny-er. I pretended like tea drinking didn’t exist. To me, it tasted of grass--you might as well pull some grass and mud from your back garden and add some water from the hose and drink it.

It might make it taste better.

I grew up in the Land of Ice Tea and then moved to the Land of Hot Tea.

I still never understood the appeal.

Until I discovered fruit tea.

Oh fruit tea, you are a joy to me. Tee hee, tee hee.

My poetry may be cringe-worthy but my point it, fruit tea rocks. I am normally a red fruit tea drinker (some combination of raspberry, strawberry some other kind of berry) because it tastes good hot or cold. Especially with a squeeze of lemon.

 However, my favourite discount supermarket Lidl had some Raspberry Peach Tea on offer on the weekend. Normally you get a box of 40 teabags for 88p but they were on sale for half price --40 teabags for 44p!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s practically 1p a teabag.

So I made a pot of tea and fell in *love*

Oh this tea is amazing--it tastes naturally sweet and is so fragrant it is like the nectar of the Gods. It contains “peach juice granules” which give it a thick, syrupy peach flavor.

Reader, I went back the next day and bought a second box before the sale ended.

I really like Lidl, their prices are low but their quality is high. You often get more but pay less. Tesco sells fruit tea bags as well for about the same price--less than £1 but you only get 20 teabags. Lidl’s produce is fresh and delicious and inexpensive and they never air freight. Sure they may have less on offer because they are not bringing in mange tout from Africa or whatever, but the stuff they do have in stock tends to be more seasonal.

So if you have a Lidl near you go and buy the Raspberry Peach tea and drink it and sigh with pleasure.

Slurp. 

Sneaky Pizza

I love to sneak healthy stuff into my food. Does that even make sense? We already eat an incredibly healthy diet--a whole food diet, a real food diet, a vegan diet--but there is always room for a bit of extra nutrition. Mission nutrition means that we add an extra dose of healthy to our already healthy diet. So if you are out there and wish you could add a bit more of the good stuff into your diet (or need to sneak some vegetables into your picky eating  toddler or spouse’s food) then this is the pizza crust for you.

 

You heard me…pizza crust just got healthier.

 In the Spider household, we are pizza fiends. Ever since I bought that cookbook by Julie Hasson called Vegan Pizza we regularly have pizza. Mmm…pizza. As I have a wheat intolerance I chose it’s lower in gluten cousin spelt flour for our flour of choice and saved my gluten free flours for other baking treats. We choose wholemeal spelt because it happened to be cheaper and is definitely healthier than plain ole white spelt (or any white flour for that matter) but for this recipe regular wholemeal wheat flour would work.

 I got the idea from this blog: (Never) Homemaker. http://www.neverhomemaker.com/2011/08/yet-another-perfect-pizza-crust.html  They use pureed veg as part of the liquid substitute in their crust. They started off with canned pumpkin puree which I am sure was dynamite but we can’t find pumpkin puree in a tin other than Libby’s brand which is owned by Nestle (Or Nasty as I like to call them. Go here if you want to read about the questionable ethics of Nestle  http://spidergrrlvstheworld.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/nestle-is-nasty.html) Yeah, I know you could gut a pumpkin and roast it or steam it or whatever but who has that kind of time? I wanted something quick. Bish, bash, bosh. Done.

 

This recipe calls for pureed chickpeas and carrots as part of your liquid substitution. So you get a protein and veg boost in your crust. Also it has the added bonus of making the crust moist and chewy as opposed to heavy and dry as wholemeal baking can sometimes be.

 

First open a tin of chickpeas and a tin of carrots and drain them and rinse well. Again if you have the time you could steam your own carrots but I am going for quickness and cheapness. A tin of East End chickpeas sells for about 37p and a tin of carrots about 19p.

 

Then blend them all in a food processor. If you are like me and your food processor died and went to Silicone Heaven, they puree up very well using an immersion blender and some ingenuity. Now you have a beautiful orange puree. Next divide in half. Did I forget to mention that the puree makes enough for four pizzas???? Their recipe said it made two 1 cup portions. My tin of carrots is a little small so it makes two ¾ cup portions. Whatever. Still works. Save one half for this batch and then store the other half in the fridge if planning to make more pizzas in a few days or do like I do and freeze the other half. Then defrost overnight in the fridge and take it out a few hours before you want it to come to room temperature. Easy peasy. 

 

Their directions were more standard where you mix the yeast with the water and let it froth and then mix it into your flour.

 

I do it the lazy way and it has never failed me. Three cheers for the lazy way! 

 Sneaky Pizza crust

 3 cups wholemeal flour (or 3 and ¼ cups if using wholemeal spelt)

1 packet instant yeast

1 heaping teaspoon sugar

1 tsp (sea) salt

¾ to 1 cup sneaky orange puree

1 and ¼ cups (plus a bit more?) quite hand hot tap water (about 110 degrees)  

 

Put your flour in a bowl. I don’t even bother to sift. Lazy way strikes again.

 

Sprinkle over the sugar salt and yeast but don’t stir it yet.

 

Mix the orange puree in a pyrex cup or small bowl and add your hot tap water. I let my tap water get as hot as it gets for this. About 110 to 120 degrees. I checked it obsessively with a thermometer the first few times but now just let my tap water get hot.

 

Mix the wet into the dry and stir until combined (you may have to add a few more slops of hot water) and then knead a bit with your hands--maybe 5-10 scrunches. Then cover the bowl with Clingfilm and let it rise for 3 hours or so in a warm place. We pop it on a small heat mat made for the spiders.

 

Then when it has risen, divide in two (I weigh it but you can just eyeball it.) Then you can roll one out now and make the pizza or do as I do and wrap in Clingfilm (re-use the Clingfilm that you used to cover the bowl for one of them) and then pop in a ziplock bag and into the freezer. Defrost in the fridge overnight before you want it and then on the counter for a few hours before the meal.

 To bake:

Preheat oven to 250C/500F

Roll out the dough and bake for 5 minutes then add half a cup of sauce and toppings of your choice and bake for another 10-12 minutes. Then let it rest for 5 minutes (if you can stand it) and slice and eat.

 

Literally it is that easy.

 

Here’s one I made earlier:

It has a smoky cream sauce made from cashews, nutritional yeast, liquid smoke and *love* plus caramelised onions and mushrooms and chestnuts. I got a load of chestnuts for pennies around Christmas time and we are still reaping the benefits. I only used half the pack so we will have chestnut risotto soon to use up the rest. Two meals from one packet--bonus!

 

This crust is delicious and healthy with the wholemeal flour, chickpeas and carrots.

 

Go and make it now, dude!

Go Go Gola

I think we all know by now I am not a fashion queen. I don’t give a fig about brand named clothing and I wouldn’t recognise a pair of Jimmy Choo’s if someone kicked me up the arse whilst wearing them.

I am more about comfort the older I get. Living in the UK for the last eleven years without a car we have done a lot of walking. You need good supportive comfortable shoes to do that. I pretty much live in trainers (or sneakers for those in the northern part of the US and tennis shoes for those in south--I called them that all my life despite never once playing tennis in them) and a dress making me look a bit like those Pentecostal girls of the 80s or a business woman power walking to work except I don’t bring a change of shoes.

Trainers give me better support than “cute” shoes which tend to have the cumulative effect of making my heels hurt which makes my ankle twinge which in turn bothers my knee which then puts my hip out of joint and finally misaligns my coccyx and I am all out of whack.

About the second or third week after we arrived it was raining rather heavily (no surprise there, it is Wales after all) and I discovered that my trainers had a hole in them letting in copious amounts of water and drenching my sock and making me all squelch-y. Not nice.

But what to do? We found a local sport shop that was going out of business and I found a pair of £40 trainers for half price. £20 seemed like an excellent bargain especially for brand named shoes even if I had never heard of the brand.

I didn’t choose them because of the name. I chose them because they were black, not made of leather and came in my size and were £20. The brand was called Gola Active --ever heard of it? No me neither. But wearing them was a revelation.

Gola are great. I cannot say how much I love them. They are super comfortable and supportive. They are made of breathable synthetic fabric. They have these “balance domes” (a bit like Sketchers) to create slight instability which stimulates key muscles and can result in the following benefits:

*overall improved health and well being

* stronger leg and gluteal muscles

*reduced pressure on joints

*improved blood circulation

*enhanced core strength

*a strengthened back

I bloody love them. I love them so much when my black pair that I have faithfully worn every day for the past six months --walking 2-5 miles a day in them--finally developed a small hole that was letting water in I wanted to get another pair of Gola Active. I have never been brand loyal but I wanted to replace like for like.

But where to get them? The shop where we bought the original pair had long since gone out of business. We didn’t have £40 to pay for a full price pair so what could I do?

I did a tentative amazon search and lo and behold--I found a company selling them for £8.50 a pair. £8.50 plus £3.50 shipping making a total of £12 a pair. They only had sizes three and four left and luckily I am a size four and so I did a little happy dance. They only came in graphite and coral as opposed to black and pink but hey-ho. For that price for the brand I wanted I was not going to quibble. They only had two left in stock so we decided to buy them both and put one away for when these wear out. So for less than £24 I got two pairs of shoes. Woohoo!!!

The black ones still have some wear in them and I am working on a way to plug up the small hole with superglue or some such and turn them into my muddy shoes--shoes for hikes or woodsy walks where you wouldn’t want to get your good shoes all mucky. It won’t matter if they have a big glob of glue plugging up a hole as they are for messy outdoor fun.

But the grey ones can be my every day ones. 

I bought the first pair impulsively but returned with purpose for the second (and third) pairs. Gola is a British company and having looked at their website I really appreciate their values. I will Go Go Gola as long as they make shoes.