Curses, foiled again

I had another very successful interview. Upon entering the room I was congratulated on being short listed as there were 45 applications for the job. That of all the applications mine was the most interesting. They were so looking forward to meeting me. The air was electric as we talked and I was radiating love and kindness and positive energy. The panel kept saying what a pleasure, a genuine pleasure, it was to meet me. I was told the headteacher would be phoning late afternoon with the results.

The headteacher didn't phone until nearly 8pm. She sounded sad and weary. Almost tearful. She said they had been so looking foward to meeting me. That my application had stood out like a beacon from the others. That in all her years of being a headteacher, she had NEVER had such glowing references. They were so keen to meet me  and I did not disappoint. She used the phrase "we were fascinated by you" at least five times and the phrase "we were simply captivated" twice.

I didn't get the job. 

She explained ever so regretfully that the position was foundation/key stage one (ages 3-6) and my experience was with key stage 2 (ages 7-11) and they had someone who was not nearly as dynamic as me, but who had many years experience at that level and they felt they had to go with them. The reason she was phoning so late was they had been trying find a way to hire me as well. She was heartbroken as they were all so impressed, but I just didn't have enough experience with that age group.

Sigh...

She asked me was I working and I said no and she exclaimed "how are you not working? You NEED to be in a school!" She asked if I had registed with an agency I said yes but that it hadn't brought me any work and she told me the name of the agency they use and suggested I register with them and so they might be able to use me here and there for supply work. She also asked if I would be interested in coming to do some storytelling or storytelling workshops at the school. I said yes and after the Easter holidays maybe we can work something out. And while the offer of some volunteer storytelling work is great, it does not solve our financial issues or pay the £5 for the bus to get to the school.

I am beyond disapointed. How does this keep happening???? They think I am wonderful and then don't hire me!!! This is the third time I have had feedback like this after an interview. Both this one and my last school interview could not believe someone hadn't snapped me up already.

Yes, I am wondering that as well. Despite many things being so good in our lives this is the one area (and it is a big area) that I feel really disapointed with. I do not understand if I am so good, why no one will hire me. Everyone seems so reluctant and apologetic when they have to tell me no which should make it feel better. 

Somehow it doesn't.

I had a pretty rough night. Some tears, some wallowing in self pity and general grumpiness. Some ranting and railing and talking bollocks.  But it is a good sign that despite the fact that they cannot seem to hire me they liked me. they really liked me. (to quote Sally Field in her Oscar speech) because it means that if something DOES come up they will keep me in mind.

I am counting my blessings every minute of the day and that seems to soothe the pain in my heart.

I am loved by so many people. Even our friends Constantine who sells the Big Issue (a magazine that homeless or vulnerably housed people can sell to make money. It is not a charity--they buy the magazine for one price and sell for a higher price) is rooting for me. When I bought my magazine today he told me that a lady was handing out cards advertising a tutoring agency in town and he got one for me. So this afternoon I have sent them an email and a CV describing my skills, experience and availability so fingers crossed. I worked for a year at  a similar placed called Sylvan Learning Centre in Louisiana and really enjoyed it.

I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have friends from near and far who are dear to me. We have more friends from England coming to visit at Easter. I am loved. I can be disappointed and still appreciate  those things.

In the scheme of things I am really blessed.