Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Bigger than Judas

It came, it came! Our second Jonny and the Baptists CD! I have practically worn out the other CD from playing as we waited for this one to arrive. We got an email saying it was on the way right when we were leaving for Chichester and had to wait until we got back to get it. SOB! But it was well worth waiting for as our favourite comedy blues duo have done it again.

It is still mostly Jonny and Paddy but with a hint of Will Bartlett on keyboards and Lucy Hunt on saxophone. It is a live CD which had me worried for about 2 seconds. You know how some people you love sound really shite live? Neil Diamond I’m talking to you. But then some people sound even better live like Rogue from the Cruxshadows that we saw in that Goth club last month?  But then I remembered, DUH! We’ve seen them live at the Distraction Club so I knew it would all be alright.


I was pleased to see several of the songs we heard live that night at Distraction Club on there.


Festival of Me is all about that festival of narcissism that is the outrageously expensive wedding. Just to show people you can afford it and that you are better than them. Because splashing out your annual salary on a one day event guarantees happiness, right kids?   Again--doing what they do best--sarcasm and bitterness.

 Best bit: Jonny won’t even get a Plus One in his invitation as he only ever brings the guitarist Paddy and how embarrassing and sad is that. Answer: Very.

In the children’s section we have:

 When You Grow Up--a lovely ballad to Jonny’s young niece all about how she can do anything she wants to, grow up and be anything, do anything--but at 2/3 of what the men around her will be earning. She’ll have to decide whether she wants to be known  as the one who brought the tribunal or the one who “let Richard get away with it again.”  But it does end on a hopeful note of making the world a slightly better place by the time she grows up. Awwww. Bless.

Fun fact: I loved this one as that was me in the 9th grade--I complained about the sexist coach Mr V (keeping to initials to protect his identity) we had teaching us science at my high school. Every else loved him because he didn’t make you do much work and everything he said was an innuendo and he touched girl’s on the bottom. I really liked science and being a bit of a Hermionie I complained about him to our principal and Mr V was relegated to a non teaching position: in-school detention. Sadly, I spent a lot of time in there over the next three years due to dress code violations and dying my hair purple, but at least we got a science teacher who taught you something. But everyone hated me all year for getting rid of Mr V.

 Listen up for: Some beat boxing by Paddy and an imitation of everyone’s favourite feminist role models The Pussy Cat Dolls.

That’s Dangerous--based on a dreadful sounding children’s book --like a vastly inferior version of one of our favourite stories Officer Buckle and Gloria. If you want a sweet book about safety (safety tip number 101--always stick with your buddy) then check it out.

But I digress. So some things that are dangerous are:

 Getting too close to a stove

Putting things into your ear

Eating jam around some wasps

Putting forks into the toaster

Joining an insurgency

Often shitting blood

Not checking out that lump

Undercutting local dealers

 Listen up for: Paddy doing wicked percussion by beating on the guitar.

UKIP Party Song--made me laugh just because that is how it starts. You start thinking something like “I‘m proud to be British“ which grows  into “Gee, there are a lot of foreigners” and then it is an easy slide into voting UKIP.

 Best bit: And at the party there were a couple of black people, see they were born here so they were welcome too. They seemed so English we didn’t have to hide our wallets. I mean, we still did but we really didn’t need to.

 Fun fact: We *are* those foreigners coming over taking your jobs. But as we are white and speak English it is less noticeable. I can pass for Canadian.


Soup and Soup (reprise)

Two songs that are a tribute to soup! It’s a meal you drink, a drink you eat, a hearty sloppy soupy treat, you don’t need teeth, you don’t need friends. Soup is all you need!

Fun fact: Leek and potato soup is my favourite. This and little statues of hedgehogs were our only link to our beloved England for the first 12 years of our marriage whilst we figured out a way to get back here. We’ve lived here for almost a decade and are now British citizens so no one can make us go away. Plus we can vote….for UKIP. Just kidding. We actually vote Green Party because I love living in a country that actually has an environmental party, even if they rarely win.


My top favourite would have to be:


No One Knows which tells us that religion is not worth arguing about. Life is a massive queue until you die so why not some good things along the way. It is not worth arguing about God and acting like a complete tool because someone else’s beliefs clashes with yours. Here are some things you should argue about instead:

 1. Whose turn it is to buy the drinks

2. Does anybody mind if I eat these crisps?

3. Who is a better James Bond

4. Who is the best children’s television character--because let’s face it, it’s Rasta Mouse (Spiderman disagrees and would argue Danger Mouse)

5. What’s the proper way to hold a child because if you do it wrong and drop it you’re in loads of trouble

6. Whether certain words are allowed in scrabble like L’oreal, splunk or Chris de Burgh

7. Whether tarantulas make better pets than dogs (OK, this isn’t actually in the song, just an opinion by me. You never have to take them out for walkies, you only feed them once a week, clean out their tanks annually and all seven of our girls can fit on one set of book shelves. ‘Nuff said.)

 Best bit: Are these geese following me? I’m sure they’re the same geese as earlier

 Listen up for: particularly excellent harmonies from Jonny and Paddy

 Fun fact:  The most bizarre argument we ever had was before we were married. Spiderman and I were on the phone having a screaming row (to be fair I was doing most, if not all, of the screaming) about whether Hamlet was the only Shakespeare play to begin offstage. I was so enraged by his answer that I used the receiver to bludgeon the phone in an attempt to hurt his ears and make him go deaf. Spiderman assures me he suffered no ill effects from my outburst as he hung up as soon as I started shrieking like a banshee on fire. Unfortunately, the phone was damaged a wee bit. I had somehow managed to shatter all the outer plastic casing and all that was left was the keypad and some wires sitting on a square of metal.  You have to remember this was 1991, you didn’t own your phone--you rented it from AT&T and so I had to go home at the end of the semester and say to my dad:

Um…my phone…it…um…sort of…fell off my chest of drawers ….um….onto the carpet in my dorm room….and got broken. A bit. 

 I don’t think he actually believed me.

But our story has a happy ending. Spiderman did not leave me immediately, as perhaps he should have, for a considerably less mad woman but instead married me a year later. That’s right 21 years ago we had our own (budget) Festival of Me.

 Trivia: Hamlet really is the only Shakespeare play to begin offstage.

 So if you like:

Good singing

The energy of live music



Comedy blues


You don’t mind a bit of swearing

Then please, pretty please with sugar on top, go straight to and buy their new CD. Also while you are there, buy their old CD. Watch their videos. Go see them live if you live in the UK. Please support this band!

I love you Jonny and Paddy!


  1. Of course GLT didn't believe you, you twit! He was almost always on to your wily ways.

    As for dogs vs spiders: your father would definitely say "de gustibus non est disputantum." But I say that spiders don't cuddle and communicate with their eyes.

    And I also say Johnny and the Baptists sounds fascinating and will check them out. If I can stand their musical interpretation of these wonderful ideas for topics and lyrics, then I will buy. After all, my ears are old.

  2. apologies to Jonny for misspelling his name.