It was created by Sonja Lang, a Canadian linguist and translator to
simplify her thoughts and communication.
Toki Pona only has 14 phonemes and focuses
on simple, near-universal concepts to maximize expression from very few words.
In her book Toki Pona: The Language of Good, Lang presents around
120 words. Despite the small vocabulary, speakers can understand and
communicate, mainly relying on context, combinations of words, and
expository sentences to express more specific meanings.
And did I mention that it is all in GLYPHS? That’s
right. The title of the book looks like this in Toki Pona:
How amazing is that??? As a very lonely child who didn’t
connect well with my peers, I spent years creating secret codes in the hopes
that one day there would be a like minded weird friend who would want to write
messages back and forth. Bonus points if they wrote it in lemon juice with a
toothpick so I could hold the letter over a candle and expose the secret
writing. It is for reasons such as this that I was bullied and beaten up frequently as you can imagine. But I digress.
To see why it is endearing take a look at the table of
contents. I love that because there are not words for certain concepts like Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and Wicked Witch of the West they are described as The Person of Bird Removal, The Metal Person of Plant Cutting, The Strong Beast of Fearful Feelings and The Evil Powerful Woman of the Ending Sun. Click on the photo to enlarge it.
The illustrations are delightful and the text has an interesting literal but also poetic translation to it such as lines like:
The foot clothing of the Evil Powerful Woman of the Sun's Arrival became the foot clothing of Dorothy.
I absolutely LOVE this book and the idea of the language. I really want to learn to read and write it. And maybe some day there will be a weird friend who wants to send secret messages in code to each other.
If you didn't see yesterday's post and the start of this series about my new year's motto of "Everything is Figureoutable" then click HERE
Looking at more ways I want my life to be better in 2023 has to start with EATING and SLEEPING.
I am someone who really needs eight hours of sleep to function. Spiderman could get by with less and never seemed to show any signs of being cranky, but I sure do.
My days back at LC were a blur of sugar highs and lows (Sugarpuff Cereal Sandwiches, anyone?) and chronic exhaustion from rehearsals until midnight and then studying until the wee hours of the morning. I felt really ratty for five whole years because of too much crappy eating and not enough sleep. At times I was awful to be around, but Spiderman somehow saw through my RATTITUDE (another portmanteau word I love) and married me anyway.
Unfortunately, my go-to activities when I am stressed are COMFORT EATING and DOOMSCROLLING. Though (to make myself sound like an old codger) they didn't have phones back in my day to waste time on. Now they do. The more depressed or anxious I am they more I eat sugary crap and stay up past my bedtime. Even when my body is screaming "For Frith's sake, just go to bed!" I am still lying on the sofa in a state of panic shovelling food into my yawning gob scrolling through my phone without actually looking at anything while my bleary red eyes widen to hold themselves open from the fear that if I let them close I will fall asleep or a Weeping Angel will come and get me.
Why has it been like this? When Spiderman died I found it very hard to be in bed by myself. It felt very empty and there was no comfort. Because sleeping with another warm body is comfort. We always slept touching. I was the little spoon and if he rolled over in the night our backs instinctively sought the other's warmth and so to sleep alone was cold in every sense of the word. In the early months after his death I avoided going to bed like a frenzied toddler who desperately needs a nap but instead runs around in a circle for three hours. I got a body pillow which did help a bit--it gave the sensation of someone else in our King Sized bed. But it wasn't him.
The other issue was I was buying and eating lots of junk food. Vegans have junk food too and I tried it all. And the problem with the junk food and getting overtired is that by the time I was so shattered I could not stay awake a moment longer then I felt I was too tired to wash my face or brush my teeth for fear of waking myself back up. I paid for that when my skin became dull and spotty and I got a cavity.
I am lucky that on most days I don't have to be at work until mid-day. But this meant after dragging myself to bed at around 2 a.m. and then taking ages to actually fall asleep (thank you sugar) while having a mild panic attack that I was still awake at 3 a.m. that when my alarm went off I could not get up. I reached for my phone and would snooze in 15-30 minute intervals until I was in danger of being late for work. Then I would come home like a zombie and the house got out of control and there was never any time or energy to tidy (see yesterday's problem) This just couldn't go on.
So what did I do? I made myself get a sleep routine. I thought about what I needed--some calming voice to help direct me to relaxation and some soothing background noises. I tried various sounds and lots didn't work for me. White Noise was like nails on a chalkboard but the lower toned Brown Noise was just right. I found everything I needed on Spotify and made a playlist.
Here is what I do every night:
10:00pm, no more phone or tablet. I go wash my face and brush my teeth. I wash the dishes so the kitchen will be clean when I wake up.
10:30pm, get into pyjamas and turn the overhead light off and only use the lamp to make me gradually get used to less light.
10:30pm to 11:30pm, read for pleasure. (This will bring me to the second thing on my list today--see below).
11:30pm, rub a few drops of lavender oil into the soles of my feet--especially up between the big toe and adjacent toe) and put my socks back on
11:35pm, set the alarm for 7:30am, plug in my phone, turn on the Sleep Playlist, turn off the light and go to sleep.
I have done this now every night for one week and I cannot believe the difference in my energy. I wake up easily with the alarm and have time to do so many things before I go to work so that when I come home at the end of the day all of the "need to be dones" are complete and so I can concentrate on the "want to be dones."
2. READ
This seems crazy because I am such a bookworm, but the more depressed or anxious I am the less I read. I can't seem to focus, the words swim before my eyes, I can't remember what I read on the last paragraph and what should be lovely becomes horrible. The phone calls to me like a Siren calls to the sailor luring me into mindlessly scrolling because it means I don't have to engage my brain. I spent most of 2020 furious because I had all that time at home when I didn't have to go to work and I couldn't read anything without crying from frustration.
It has been AMAZING to read again. So far in one week I have read two and half books. And it is just making it part of my routine. Booking it in, if you'll excuse the pun.
3. VEGAN/COOK ONCE EAT TWICE/FREEZE
Having more energy because I am sleeping better means I will make better food choices. Already I am craving less unhealthy stuff. As my old fridge/freezer died right before Christmas, I was forced to buy a new one. This involved a lot of "Everything is figureoutable" mantras because I had to choose a new appliance, order it online, schedule a delivery, move and clean out the old one so the new one could take its place. Now that I have a bigger, better, more beautiful (OK, this last one is less important but I love the fact that I chose a black appliance and all my photos of FAMILY and FRAMILY really pop) I am working hard to do meal prep in both the fridge and freezer to make my life a bit easier (see tomorrow's post)
Are you struggling with unhealthy eating or poor sleep? If you are, then I hope this will help you.
Hello lovelies! Happy new year! 2020 was rollercoaster year, wasn't it? But it did allow me to see some things clearly:
1. I need routine. And it is hard to impose it on myself, but I must try harder especially as we are yet again in lockdown.
2. I love my job. I mean I REALLY love my job. I miss it when I can't go to work. I am more productive and happier when I have been at work. I have a really good work-life balance and like to be having both halves of work and life.
3. I am recharged by interacting with people. I knew this before, but I REALLY learned it over the big lockdown. The Amazing Spiderman is perfectly happy working from home as people drain him, but I was like a flat battery for months. I don't ever want to go out in big noisy groups in crowded spaces (not even before COVID) but I really thrive on some one on one conversations. I like meeting a friend for a hot chocolate in an independent café or going for a picnic in the park to save money. I also really enjoy interacting with customers. We have lots of regulars who pop in regularly (that is the definition of a regular, Spidergrrl!) that I look forward to seeing. Interacting with customers and being helpful is a huge part of my happiness.
4. I have some control issues. Quite a lot of control issues, and this year has been out of control which has been really hard to cope with. This also ties in with routine because with Spiderman working from home I could not keep to the routine I liked and found it very hard to take his suggestion to "please just do that some other time."
5. I have trouble accepting help. I am often out helping people while my battery is on low (another issue I am continually working on) but find it harder to allow someone to help me. My dear old dad once said to me, "Why are you making things harder for yourself?" to which I replied "But it is so much easier to make things difficult!" by which I meant it is so much easier to do it myself that to ask for help. More on this in a bit.
6. I am not good at sharing. I need my own computer. This was a serious issue during the big lockdown. I am a writer. Blogging takes up a lot of time and research and I am an author who needs to work on her own stories. This was a HUGE issue between myself and the Amazing Spiderman over the big lockdown. I was like Vesuvius waiting to erupt, always boiling and seething under the surface as we both needed to be on the computer at the same time but in the rock/paper/scissors of life--work trumps personal reasons. We have solved this by investing in a second laptop and it has CHANGED MY LIFE. I have written more in the last two months than in the whole rest of the year.
7. I need more creative outlets. This too was a struggle during the big lockdown when I couldn't go to work. I started to think about what made me happy and what I missed from my life in England when I worked in a school. There was lots of time for laying about ruminating on what I enjoy that I was not allowed to do while I waited (im)patiently for my turn on the computer. Once I determined what it was, I made damn sure to start doing it the moment I got back to work. More on this later.
Having gained some extraordinary insight into myself in 2020, I wanted to reflect that in my Vision Board.
What is a Vision Board, I hear you cry? Well, it is part woowoo, part arts and crafts. I like to really think on new year's day what I want to do in the upcoming year and who I want to be (striving always to be a better person). It is not about new year's resolutions--which are easily broken--but just some personal growth goals and a reminder of what makes me happy. By making a tangible reminder of what brings me joy, I can make sure to do it. I then hang it in a prominent place in my craft room and look at it every morning to remind me of what it is important.
Want to see it? Of course you do.
So what am I doing this year? In no particular order:
1. Being vegan--this is the core of my values. Does it cause death and suffering? Then it is to be avoided. Does it bring life and kindness? Then it is to be celebrated. Compassion is so much better than cruelty.
2. What am I doing in the world to make it better? Making sure to look for opportunities to make a difference in the world. This has been more important in lockdown....how can help others (making sure that what I choose to do energises me rather than depletes me--setting boundaries.)
3. I am the chief cook in our house, but this was not always so. When we were first married and I was a full time student and then a full time teacher with a terrible work-life balance, Spiderman did all our cooking. When I wanted to become vegan I learned how to cook (and cook well!) Spiderman is a great cook. he is just much slower than me. I swear the man gets a ruler out when he chops potatoes as they are all identically sized! Since I am often tired from work, he has offered many times to share the burden of cooking. I do not take him up on it nearly as often as I should and then feel resentful as I am tired or my back hurts and it is me doing it. We had a long talk about this and I am going to work harder to relinquish some control in the kitchen. So in 2021, we will be taking turns more. We also will be cooking together more. I can do food prep MUCH faster while we chat about our days and then I can bugger off and do some yoga or have a nap while he does the cooking. Also, I want to make sure to do more advance food prep to make cooking for whoever's turn it is, easier.
4. Keeping to a loose routine especially in times of lockdown. I don't have to do EVERYTHING in a day, but it would be nice to tick a few things off my enjoyment list (see below) every day. Also writing down a few things in my 2021 diary that I would like to accomplish (or need to be done--I cannot tell you the amount of times I have realised at midnight that something needed to be done for the morning.) Better organisation and loose routine (especially in lockdown) but also for when I am working to use my time more wisely.
5. Doing things that bring me joy--making crafts and creating art, reading (and discussing--this year Spiderman will be a judge for the Carnegie and Greenaway awards and so we will get upwards of a hundred books to read and talk about...I made us our own little book club symbol!), making films with my new stop motion animation app. These are all things I am doing for me...but there are several things I do at home that bring me joy that involve work. Sewing fancy dress costumes to wear at the Bookshop (after the big lockdown I have gone to work dressed as Hercule Poirot, the witch from Narnia and a Christmas elf) as well as storytelling. I realised how much I missed storytelling--the research of finding a story that feels right in my mouth, adapting it, memorising it, making costumes or props for it, performing it. Right now it is not possible to have children in the shop for an actual audience but we have gotten round this by having my faithful camera crew Spiderman film me telling tales. Which leads me neatly on to my next intention.
6. DIY. I used to be such a luddite--I only got my first smartphone in 2017 and I always feel like I am behind on technology but this year I taught myself to build a website because some friends with an animal sanctuary needed help. I also taught myself to use video editing software so that we could put up films of my storytelling on the the Goldstone Books YouTube Channel. I used to think that I was not smart enough to do "computer things" but it turns out I was wrong. So this year, with my new laptop that I don't have to share, I am finally working on a project that has been on hold since 2016--turning my epistolary novel into a graphic novel. Yes, I will be teaching myself how to illustrate online by using my my new tech skills to tell my story. Then we will publish my second book! Hoorah!
7. Coming out of the big lockdown (but still in cautious mode) I was reminded who was in my tribe and who I enjoyed spending time with and who I hadn't missed at all. There are several people I let fade away because they drained me and several people I made an active effort to spent (socially distanced) time with because they energised me. Even now, in our third lockdown, I am making time to have phone calls and texts with people I care about (or send make and send a card if they are struggling) and that connection is keeping my going.
8. The lockdowns put such a strain on small businesses and several independent vegan businesses have had to close. I work for an independent bookshop and I am all too aware of the national chain right down the road who can sell at a bigger discount than we can. I tried last year to support more small businesses (especially ones that help us cut our waste) and this year I will try even harder. We just booked in an order with Cegin Mam Gu for a three course Greek meal that is vegan and GF and delivered to our door which I am very much looking forward to since we can't go out for a meal. Which leads me to my next point.
9. Drink more tea. This ticks the box of supporting Tea Traders ( a great independent business in town run by two lovely blokes which sells loose tea) as well as keeping me hydrated. Fruit tea is good hot or cold and I am guaranteed to have less pain and be less cranky if I am drinking some delicious tea.
10. The self care checklist. Even just 15 minutes a day makes all the difference in my physical and emotional wellbeing. Yoga and strength training for my body (I have let my ab work go this year and I feel it in my lower back), deep breathing and mindfulness (I tend towards hyperventilating and overthinking), more orgasms (they are truly the best pain relief and mood booster I know) and a 15 minute tidy every day instead of letting things pile up until it takes hours to put everything back where it belongs will save my sanity.
11. Patience. About everything. Enough said.
What did you learn about yourself in 2020? What do you hope to do with your life in 2021?
Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Friday. Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then I'll begin.
Today marks the last of the Fairy Tale Friday explorations of Snow White. I have been writing about versions of this tale since the 3rd of April 2020 and now the time has come to wind it down. Thank you for coming with me on this journey (as well as Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood and Murder Ballads before this.)
I will leave you with a funny video in the Key of Kristin. Here is Kristin Key who summarises everything that is wrong with Snow White set to a jaunty tune.
Thank you again for coming with me as we explore fairy tales. My life has gotten really busy with some other writing I am doing (I am working on some short story bundles to sell as well as my next novel) and so I am going to let Fairy Tale Friday rest for a bit to catch up on other creative endeavours. But I am sure in 2021 I will come back to explore another fairy tale--possibly Sleeping Beauty.
Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Friday. Are you
sitting comfortably? Good. Then I’ll begin.
We are to the end of our Fairy Tale Friday look at
Snow White. Today we will look at the 1937 Disney film. Chronologically, it
should have come earlier, but I wanted to save it for last due to its
significance. For many of you, this film was the gateway to a Disney obsession.
While I can agree it was visually spectacular (and it truly is—when you think
of all those choppy/jerky Betty Boop cartoons, they were only a few years
before this) I have never liked the passivity of the heroine waiting (and doing
nothing but housework and sighing) until her Prince comes.
The following information all comes courtesy of
Wikipedia:
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was to be the
first full-length cel animated feature in motion picture
history. His brother and wife tried to talk Walt out of it. He had to mortgage
his house to help finance the film's production, which eventually ran up a
total cost of $1,488,422.74, a massive sum for a feature film in 1937. But it
clearly was worth it as it was a massive success.
The film itself was released in Los Angeles in 1937,
followed by a nationwide release on February 4, 1938. This was one year
before The Wizard of Oz. Some interesting Oz trivia: The voice of Snow
White Adriana Caselotti had an uncredited role in The Wizard of Oz. She
provided the voice of Juliet during the Tin Man's song, "If I Only Had a
Heart", speaking the line, "Wherefore art thou Romeo?" More
Oz trivia: (because I will shoehorn Oz into any conversion) the slinky
wicked queen in her cowl and crown was an early costume design for the witch in
Oz based on the success of Snow White. Gale Sondergaard did a screentest as a
slinky sexy witch but opted out when they decided to make her ugly.
It was nominated for Best Musical Score at
the Academy Awards in 1938, and the following year, Walt
Disney was awarded an honorary Oscar for the film. This award was
unique, consisting of one normal-sized, plus seven miniature Oscar statuettes.
In 1989, the United States Library of Congress deemed the film
"culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" and selected
it as one of the first 25 films for preservation in the National Film
Registry. Whether I like it or not, it is a game changer.
Another bit of interesting trivia: The
dwarfs’ names were chosen from a pool of about fifty potentials, including
Jumpy, Deafy, Dizzey, Hickey, Wheezy, Baldy, Gabby, Nifty, Sniffy, Swift, Lazy,
Puffy, Stuffy, Tubby, Shorty, and Burpy.
Below is a summery courtesy of Wiki. I will insert
comments and video clips into it.
Snow White is a lonely princess
living with her stepmother, a vain Queen. The Queen worries that Snow White will
be more beautiful than her, so she forces Snow White to work as a scullery
maid and asks her Magic Mirror daily "who is the
fairest one of all." For years the mirror always answers that the Queen
is, pleasing her. Note:I
admit I did not re-watch this one in its entirety, but I have no memory as to where her father
is meant to be. I presume dead. The film opens with an illuminated manuscript
which basically says exactly what Wiki does above but mentions her father not
at all.
One day, the Magic Mirror informs the
Queen that Snow White is now "the fairest" in the land; on that same
day, Snow White meets and falls in love with a prince who overhears her
singing. Note: I do remember being
in awe of the mirror but think Snow White herself was a bit of a drip.
Watch the Magic Mirror scene here:
Here we also see Snow White in her very ragged dress (well done) and a pair of rough wooden clogs that don't make a clip clop noise which annoyed me. She is so good and sickly sweet it made me feel like I might go into a diabetic coma. Also all those pigeons would be crapping all over her wishing well if this was real. She does seem to have quite a lot of lippy on but then so does the Prince.
The jealous Queen orders her Huntsman to take Snow White into the
forest and kill her. She further demands that the huntsman return with Snow
White's heart in a jewelled box as proof of the deed. However, the Huntsman
cannot bring himself to kill Snow White. He tearfully begs for her forgiveness, revealing the Queen wants her dead and urges her to flee into the woods and never look back. Note: I liked that the Queen presented the Huntsman with a box with a heart with a dagger through it for a lock that she must have either just had laying about as a sinister object or had it specially made for just such an occasion as this.
It
is nice to see the Huntsman’s reluctance. Several films, he is in cahoots with
the Queen (or under her spell sexually) It does feel very sinister seeing the sunlight glint off his knife and his
shadow fall over her as he creeps up to kill her. The lost in the woods scene
also made an impression on me as a child. I found it very frightening and
disconcerting.
Watch it here:
What I noticed from re-watching this scene is that she has changed clothes. She has been a scullery maid in literal rags with wooden clodhoppers on her feet but a moment ago, but to go out and pick flowers in the woods she gets spiffed up in the dress we think of as a Snow White dress (no holes) and heeled shoes (no clogs). That makes no sense.
Lost and frightened, the princess is befriended by woodland creatures who lead her to a cottage deep in the woods. Finding seven small chairs in the cottage's dining room, Snow White assumes the cottage is the untidy home of seven orphaned children. Actually, the cottage belongs to seven
adult dwarfs—named Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful,
Sneezy, and Dopey—who work in a nearby mine.
Note: Here we have the famous Heigh-Ho song. Many years ago
we had a cassette of weird and wonderful cover versions of Disney Songs and
there was a great, gritty cover of the Heigh-Ho song by Tom Waits. (would you
expect anything less?) Listen to it below:
Returning home, they are alarmed to find their
cottage clean and suspect that an intruder has invaded their home. The dwarfs
find Snow White upstairs, asleep across three of their beds. Snow White awakens
to find the dwarfs at her bedside and introduces herself, and all of the dwarfs
eventually welcome her into their home after she offers to clean and cook for
them. Snow White keeps house for the dwarfs while they mine for jewels during
the day, and at night they all sing, play music, and dance.
Note: I know cooking and cleaning are important, but why
does it all fall to her? Their house was a mess when she arrived and then they
happily go on being lazy now that they had a dolly bird to pick up after them.
Even as a child I felt like she aught to make them do their share of the work
since they lived there too. Also as a child you think "wouldn't it be great to have woodland animals help you do your chore," but as you get older all you think is, "that is so unsanitary."
Watch Whistle While You Work here:
Meanwhile, the Queen discovers Snow White
is alive when the mirror again answers that Snow White is the fairest in the
land and reveals that the heart in the box is that of a pig. Using a potion to
disguise herself as an old hag, the Queen creates a poisoned apple that will put whoever
eats it into the "Sleeping Death," a curse she learns can only be
broken by "love's first kiss," but is certain Snow White will be
buried alive. Note: I find this scene genuinely
scary, even now. I have seen many transformation scenes, but this is one of the
best. I love the way the spell was cast--both with witchy stuff and science (she has a whole chemistry lab in her lair). I love the bit in the transformation where her hands grow old and a flash of lightning reveals the bones inside for a brief moment. Also, the way lightning makes the potion go from still to sparkling made me laugh.
Watch (and shudder) here:
While the Queen goes to the cottage while
the dwarfs are away, the animals are wary of her and rush off to find the
dwarfs. Faking a potential heart attack, the Queen tricks Snow White into
bringing her into the cottage to rest. The Queen fools Snow White into biting
into the poisoned apple under the pretence that it is a magic apple that grants
wishes. As Snow White falls asleep, the Queen proclaims that she is now the
fairest of the land. Note: Trust the animals. They can see through her disguise and try to peck her death in a scene reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock. The thing that made me laugh out loud though, was in between all the fuzzy forest creatures there were a pair of vultures sitting in a tree. Then the old hag pulls a Sanford and Son, and clutches her chest and fakes a heart attack. Snow White is so gullible here and simple-minded, it makes my head hurt. The old hag is clearly using her evil voice in between bouts of her old helpless lady voice, but our heroine does not pick up on those subtle clues.
Watch the poison apple bit here:
The dwarfs return with the animals as the Queen leaves the
cottage and give chase, trapping her on a cliff. She tries to roll a boulder
over them, but lightning strikes the cliff before she can do so, causing her to
fall to her death. Note: Though
I am all for restorative justice in my real life, I find I really like a sense
of punishment and justice in my fairy tales. This is a great “gets what is
coming to her” ending. The vultures are here again and she runs away, gets trapped on a conveniently place cliff top situated in running distance of the forest, and tries to use leverage to release a boulder down on the dwarfs below. Instead, lightning cracks her cliff and she falls into the abyss with the boulder falling on her instead like Wile E Coyote.
The dwarfs return to their cottage and
find Snow White seemingly dead, being kept in a deathlike slumber by the
poison. Unwilling to bury her out of sight in the ground, they instead place
her in a glass coffin trimmed with gold in a clearing in the forest. Together
with the woodland creatures, they keep watch over her. A year later, the prince
learns of her eternal sleep and visits her coffin. Saddened by her apparent
death, he kisses her, which breaks the spell and awakens her. The dwarfs and
animals all rejoice as the Prince takes Snow White to his castle.
Watch the ending here:
That is the last of the Snow Whites. However, I will
treat you next week to one last Snow White. A hilarious comedy song I stumbled
across whilst writing this last post. Stay tuned next week for death by fruit.
Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Friday. Are you
sitting comfortably? Good. Then I’ll begin.
We are nearly to the end of our Fairy Tale Friday look
at Snow White. Today we look at what was advertised to be a feminist film
version of our tale entitled Snow White and the Huntsman starring Kristin
Stewart as Snow White and Charlize Theron as the stepmother.
I can see why they promoted it as a feminist film—they
tried to make it have overtones of women in power but in my opinion, it misses the
mark. It opens with the powerful witch Ravenna (who sounds like she should have
raven hair, but she is blond) tricking her way into the King’s heart. We see
her tied up in a shack as if she is being held prisoner, but it is in fact all
a ruse. The first glimpse we see of her is her bare foot in a shackle. My first
thought was “How big are her feet??” and the answer is (according to Google)
size 9.5 which feels very impressive since I am a size 3.5. But once she is
back in the palace and all dressed up and out of her captive rags, she looks
quite beautiful. She seems quite sweet, with a hint of nervousness as if she is
worried what the country will think of her as she was only a poor captive who
is marrying the King. This, in my opinion, in Theron’s best acting. Because on
their wedding night she goes full on “evil voice” and announces that all men do
is use, abuse and discard women. That happened to her before and she won’t let
it happen again. Then she pulls out a huge bloody dagger and stabs him in the
heart and she locks the young Princess in a dungeon. After that, Theron is either
doing her whisper evil voice or shouty evil voice. It is a wonder she stayed so
slim with all the scenery she chewed. Some of the makeup and effects are pretty
good. We see her in various stages of old age makeup as her powers wax and
wane. Sometimes she is young and fresh and bathing in some sort of milky liquid
that looks suspiciously like paint and stealing the looks of young girls
(played by Lily Cole) and sometimes she is all wrinkled and writhing on the
floor in a weakened state of misery. The magic mirror was also interesting—a brass
disc that turned into the melty men who oozed out of it and spoke to her.
Kristin Stewart who has been held in a dungeon for at
least a decade and has lank greasy hairy and a dirty face and a tatty dress also
has the most perfect blindingly white Hollywood teeth which were really
distracting. All the dwarves (we will get to the problem with them in a minute)
have various shades of “lived in” teeth. But she who has been held prisoner,
suffers no decay. In the scenes where she has escaped and is getting increasingly
muddier and dishevelled she still manages a subtle bit of lipstick. If her lips
had been that shade the whole film you might think it was just rosy lips not
lippy, but because several times she doesn’t have it on it is noticeable.
The problem with the dwarves is that they hired actual
dwarves to do all the body shots (who were uncredited in the credits) and CGI’d
full sized actor’s heads onto their bodies. ‘Nuff said.
Here is a summary by Wikipedia in which I will insert
some comments.
While admiring a rose blooming in the
winter, Queen Eleanor of the kingdom of Tabor pricks her finger on one of its
thorns. Drops of blood fall onto the snow, and she wishes for a daughter as
white as the snow, with lips as red as the blood, hair as black as a raven's
wings and heart as strong as the rose. Note: One
of the good things about this film is the cinematography. There are great scenes,
including this one, of black trees, grey skies, white snow and blood or scarlet
banners in a visual contrast. I liked how the blood active “plipped” and
splashed onto the snow.
She gives birth to a daughter, Snow White,
but falls ill and dies several years later. After her death, Snow White's
father, King Magnus, and his army battle an invading dark
army of demonic glass soldiers. Upon rescuing their prisoner Ravenna, the King
becomes enchanted with her beauty and marries her. Note:
The
glass soldiers who shatter into shards of jet quartz are a decent CGI effect,
but were a predicter of how many other noisy battles I would have to sit
through. The King sees a shack where he finds Ravenna all shackled up and
helpless with her size 9.5 feet. He is enchanted by her beauty but also he probably
liked the feeling of being a rescuer/protector of women because they are the
weaker sex.
Ravenna is in fact a powerful sorceress and
the Dark Army's master. On their wedding night, Ravenna confesses there was a
king much like Magnus that hurt her. She declares she cannot be a weak queen
and kills Magnus before taking over the kingdom. Snow White's childhood friend
William and his father, Duke Hammond, escape the castle but are unable to
rescue her, and she is captured and locked away in a tower for many years.
Note: Before Ravenna took over, we saw several childhood
scenes between William and young Snow. They were best friends, playmates and probably
promised in marriage to each other to seal a future alliance. There is a scene
of them climbing an apple tree and him teasing her with an apple before biting
it himself which is undoubtedly foreshadowing.
Watch the wedding night stabbing here:
Tabor is ruined under Queen Ravenna's
rule. She periodically drains the youth from the kingdom's young women in order
to maintain a spell cast over her as a child by her mother, which allows her to
keep her youthful beauty. Note: I
was a little confused by this flashback scene—it may have been because I was
worn out from all her evil voice shouting, but as best as I can understand,
raiders were coming to their village to take pretty girls away (it was hard to
tell as there was a long scene of banging/clanging sword fighting going on
while they were talking) and her mother gifts her the gift of eternal youth so
that she can somehow grow up and use that as a strength to defeat men. Who
knows. But there was a nice echo in the magic potion of dropping three drops of
blood into a milky cup which resembled the opening scene with the Queen
pricking her finger.
When her
stepdaughter Snow White comes of age, she learns from her Magic Mirror that Snow White is
destined to destroy her unless she consumes the girl's heart, which will make
her immortal. Ravenna orders her brother Finn (Note: who has the
worst bowl cut ever) to bring her Snow White's heart, but Snow White escapes
into the Dark Forest, where Ravenna has no power. Note: The dark forest
is like being on LSD. You hallucinate all sorts of scary stuff like tree
branches turning into black snakes or birds trying to peck out your eyes after
breathing some sort of swamp gas.
Watch the magic mirror scene here:
Watch the dark forest drug trip here:
Ravenna makes a bargain with Eric the Huntsman, a widower and drunkard, to
capture Snow White, promising to bring his wife back to life in exchange. The
Huntsman tracks down Snow White, but when Finn reveals that Ravenna does not
actually have the power to revive the dead, the Huntsman helps Snow White
escape. Finn gathers a band of men to find her, and the Duke and William learn
that she is alive. William leaves the castle to find her, joining Finn's band
as a bowman.
Note:
Despite
being a drunkard who is dirty and dishevelled, Chris Hemsworth managed to look
sexy in a rugged way with matching perfect teeth to Snow White. I guess only
dwarves don’t have a dental plan.
The Huntsman and Snow White leave the Dark
Forest, where she saves his life by charming a huge troll that attacks them.
They make their way to a fishing village populated by women who have disfigured
themselves to make themselves useless to the Queen. Note:
This
bit was an interesting feminist concept to be judged by your character instead
of appearance but would have liked to have seen it given more depth. Also, it
stars Rachael Stirling (daughter of Diana Rigg) as the lead disfigured woman
with some scars on her face but not really enough to make her that hideous.
The Huntsman
learns Snow White's true identity, and leaves her in the care of the women. He
returns when he sees the village being burned down by Finn's men. Snow White
and the Huntsman evade them and meet a band of eight
dwarves. The blind dwarf Muir perceives that Snow White is the only person
who can defeat Ravenna and end her reign.
As they travel through a fairy sanctuary,
they are attacked by Finn and his men. Note: The
fairy sanctuary is every bit as twee as you would expect—colourful creatures,
hazy lighting, moss growing everywhere, twinkly fairy lights and a pure white
stag with antlers so big he would never get in your front door if he came to
visit in place of the more obvious white unicorn that is tamed by the pure
female heroine.
Watch the white stage scene here:
A battle ensues during which Finn, his
men, and one of the dwarfs are killed, while William reveals himself and joins
the group on their journey to Hammond's castle. Halfway there, Ravenna
disguises herself as William and tempts Snow White into eating a poisoned
apple. She flees when the Huntsman and William discover her. Note:
This
scene was great. I loved that it was the Queen disguised as William not an old
crone that gave her the apple. She takes it from him as it harks back to a
flirtation that had when she was a tomboy up a tree with him as children and it
is truly a surprise when it turns out to be the witch.
Watch the poison apple scene here:
William kisses Snow White but she does not
wake up (though no one notices the tear that comes from one of her eyes). Her
body is taken to Hammond's castle. The Huntsman professes his regret for not
being there to save her, as her heart and strength remind him of his late wife,
Sara. He kisses her and does not notice a second tear fall from one of her
eyes, as his kiss was second of true love needed. Snow White awakens and
rallies the Duke's army to mount a siege against Ravenna.
The dwarves infiltrate the castle through
the sewers and open the gates, allowing the Duke's army inside. Snow White
confronts Ravenna, but is overpowered. Ravenna is about to kill her when Snow
White uses a move the Huntsman taught her and mortally wounds Ravenna,
defeating her for good. The kingdom once again enjoys peace and harmony as Snow
White is crowned queen. Note: I
was disappointed that she didn’t end up marrying the Huntsman as I was hoping
this was a tale of bridging the class divide. But we know from the sequel
(which bears quite a resemblance to Frozen) that she marries William.
For a laugh, watch an Honest Trailer here for the film and the sequel:
That’s all for this week. Stay tuned next week for our
penultimate blog about Snow White where we look at the Disney film.
Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Friday. Are you
sitting comfortably? Good. Then I’ll begin.
This week we look at a tale of Snow White that is part
fairy tale, part Lord of the Rings. It is brought to us by The Asylum whom I
have never heard of but a little research showed me they are the ones
responsible for the Sharknado series. They are also primarily know for what is
referred to in the industry as a “mockbuster.” They look at what big name
Hollywood film is coming out and quickly churn out a lower budget similar title
such as Transmorphers (Transformers), The Terminators (The Terminator), Snakes
on a Train (Snakes on a Plane), Triassic World (Jurassic World) etc.
You get the idea. They also have a lots of films involving bad CGI sharks
beyond the Sharknado ones such as Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus and 3 Headed Shark
Attack, so I was thinking this was going to be rubbish, but I was pleasantly
surprised.
The first startling thing is that our Snow White is
blond. Although the cover of the DVD we bought the photo darkens her hair. I
could not find a copy of that cover online, so you will have to settle for the
blond version. Her stepmother is the one who has the raven hair. There are
decent effects—the magic mirror flows like green water and and the face that
speaks to the Queen looks like it is speaking through a waterfall. There are
CGI effects that look as though they have stepped out of a video game—vicious dogs
with giant heads and several CGI giant lizard-like creatures. They aren’t bad,
but they aren’t good either. The costumes have the generic
a-sort-of-ye-olde-times vibe. It looks as though they spent all the budget for
the top of the costumes as many of the men have a brocade jacket and ruffle-y
shirt up top and regular trousers below. Knee high boots were only worn by the
main characters so the Prince looks more authentic than his (un) trustworthy
assistant. But they get around this by mostly shooting from the thighs up in
close up so it it is only noticeable in long shots. Also our blond Snow White
wears a pale blue dress that bears an uncanny resemblance to Alice in
Wonderland.
Snow White has been sent away to a convent school for
many years by her stepmother and returns for her father’s funeral. We see the
evil Queen planning to marry a nearby Prince because his land contains the
crash site for a meteor which emits a green glow and gives the elves their
power—and if she has the power, she will rule the world. Of course he falls in
love with Snow White instead of her stepmother, which causes the events you
would expect in a Snow White tale to happen: her stepmother sends her out into
to the woods to be killed, her heart is to be brought back, Snow White escapes
and is rescued by seven (or thereabouts) elves who nurse her back to health,
her stepmother disguises herself as an old crone and tries to kill her, she is
revived by the Prince and the Queen is destroyed and they live happily ever
after. But it all happens in a very Tolkienesque way.
I wasn’t able to find a cohesive summary of this film
so have combined the summary from several sources (MOVIE
MAVERICKS and HORROR
NEWS ) and will add comments in between.
Grimm’s Snow White is a loose adaptation of the
folklore collected by the Brothers Grimm. We begin with a mystical world
where a star once fell from the sky and landed with a mighty green and flamey
thud on a cliff top. Soon magical elves and giant lizard-like
dragons are fighting over territory and flamey magic. There is some kind of
balance though, until the humans come along and mess that all up. Soon they are
building kingdoms and getting eaten by the reptiles and treating the elves
poorly. The Asylum’s version of the story finds Snow White summoned to the
castle by her stepmother Queen Gwendolyn after her father was killed by a giant
lizard. Note: We see the mystical green flame on the clifftop and the
green crystal amulets that the elves all wear around their necks. They derive
their power from the green flame and can do various bits of magic like causing
earthquakes, transformation and healing the dying . We see the Queen crying and
talking about her grief, but then we see that she is actually rehearsing these
lines and practicing her crocodile tears. She touches several of the magic
crystal amulets that she has stolen from elves and laid in a bowl on her
dressing table. Using their magic she calls upon her magic mirror which also
glows with a liquidy green flame.
After doing away with the King, the evil Queen now
wants to get rid of Snow, and become the fairest of them all. She orders her to
be killed, but Snow escapes into the enchanted forest with the aid of some
elves (yes, not dwarfs).Note: These are very Tolkien elves---they
all look remarkably like Legolas but with regular short hair as the budget
doesn’t stretch to wigs. It does stretch to pointy ears, though. As you would
expect, some of the elves are bitter from the way that humans mistreat them,
but eventually come around. We have the wise woman elf who will heal Snow White
with some herbal potion, and the elf called Runt who everyone thinks is useless
but will save the day in the end.
In a real estate scheme the Queen plans to marry
Prince Alexander and take over his part of the enchanted forest (there’s a
magic green fire that burns there that she’s after), but the Prince has already
fallen for Snow White. The Queen claims Snow is dead, but the Prince doesn’t
give up hope in finding her. Unfortunately the Queen is hellbent on getting
that prime enchanted forest property (gotta have her green fire), and tries to
force the Prince into marriage.Note: We see the Queen forcing her
enslaved elf to do her bidding by transforming her into an old crone who
just really looks like she is wearing poorly applied Halloween makeup. She also
transforms an ordinary ring into one that looks just like the one the Prince gave to
Snow White as a token of his affection and then poisons it. The poison ring
idea featured in several of the literary versions of this tale such as Nourie
Hadig. We see Snow White trying to contact the elf that works for the Queen
that the other elves consider a traitor and she is approached in the market by
an old crone who convinces her to take the ring. She puts it on and falls down
dead. The elves carry her body and lay it under a low hanging willow tree where
they wave a torch around as if they are going to burn her on a funeral pyre.
Surely this act of pyromania would best be performed on an open plain rather
than beneath a flammable tree? The Prince arrives in the nick of time to save
her being burnt alive and takes the ring off her finger (which has now reverted
back to its original form) and she miraculously wakes up.
Now Snow must rally her elven friends to join
her battle against the evil Queen, take back her love and generally save the
day. Snow White and the Prince stage some kind of rebellion against
the Queen, the elves go to war to carrying mostly bows and arrows and what
appears to be sticks and twine. When they finally decide to go to war against
the Evil Queen, we are treated to the least impressive motivational speech ever
by the surliest of the dwarves … I mean ELVES, sorry … followed by all six of
them (no extras must have been hanging out looking for work that day) marching
across a field to what I could almost swear is the same music from Lord of
the Rings: Return of the King. It was an incredibly underwhelming scene. The
elves don’t manage to hold their own very well once the fighting begins
(obviously) until, miracle of miracles, they are rescued by … dark elf ninjas.
I am not making this up. The dark elves swing into the area on vines (a
la Tarzan) in funky black pyjamas and start whacking people with
swords.Note: These dark ninja elves are the keepers of the sacred
green flame. It looks like all is lost—the Prince is mortally wounded and all
the elves and Snow White are captured (being held in not very convincingly tight
chokeholds). The Queen gets a priest to come out the forest and perform the
wedding RIGHT THERE while the Prince gasps for air. Because if their marriage
is until “death do us part” when he dies in a few minutes she will inherit the
land with the sacred green flame, defeat the ninja elves and have all the
power. Suddenly, Runt the elf that no one thought was useful escapes, rather
too easily kills the guard holding Snow White and she takes his sword and kills
the Queen. There was some shouting at the telly at this point—me screaming “Do
it! Slice off her head! Ooooh! She actually did it!” as the slow motion footage
shows Snow White slicing off the Queen’s head in one dramatic blow. Then the
green flame is safe, and all the creatures both human and elf can live in
harmony with the giant lizards with the Prince and Snow White ruling over them
all.
You can watch the film here:
That’s all for this week. Stay tuned next week for a
tale with another spunky fighting Snow White.
Hello and welcome to Fairy Tale Friday. Are you
sitting comfortably? Good. Then I’ll begin.
Today we look at a lushly costumed version of Snow
White starring Julia Roberts entitled Mirror Mirror. I liked it because it was
funny and the effects like the magic mirror were different than we have ever
seen them—the mirror is like water and the stepmother steps through the liquid
reflection and then emerges from a lake on the other side. There is also some
interesting puppetry and stop-motion animation which lifts this film from the
ordinary. The most striking aspect of the film were the stunningly outrageous
costumes designed by Eiko Ishioka who created costumes for Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
This film was her last film, and she was nominated posthumously for an Academy
Award for Best Costume Design.
Most importantly, there is a strong and capable Snow
White who learns to fight as well as having a strong moral centre. This film was directed by Tarsem Singh who
also directed the video for R.E.M.’s Losing my Religion. In an interview he
says that he wanted the film to reflect that the stepmother was not bad, just
terrible insecure.
Acting is interesting in this—Lily Collins (daughter
of Phil Collins) tries hard to be both beautiful and have spunk. Armie Hammer
(which just sounds like slightly off product placement for Arm & Hammer) is
the prince who also has spunk and a bit of a twinkle and gets to play a dog.
Julia Roberts has a lot of charisma and an accent that seems to fluctuate—she sounds posh and sort of British but then slips in
to sort of nasal American when being sarcastic. But her timing is impeccable.
Thanks to Wikipedia for a summary in which I will
insert comments in.
Note: This film begins
with a stunning stop-motion animation with the baby being born and the wife
dying in childbirth. We see the father raising the daughter and then
remarrying. We see the new wife giving them matching crescent moon necklaces
(this will be important later, oh best beloved) and lastly we see him go off to
fight…where he was never heard from again so presumed dead. Watch the stunning
animation here: (in the film it has a sarcastic voiceover from Julia Roberts
but I like this silent version with a musical underscore better)
A widowed King marries an evil witch named Clementianna, the most beautiful woman in the
land. One day, the king leaves to fight an evil Beast that resides in the
forest, but never returns; Clementianna rules in his absence, while confining
her young stepdaughter, Snow White, to the palace. Note:
We
see here that she has kept her stepdaughter confined physically in the palace
and mentally by belittling her in that mean girl way through humiliation which
is always underscored with jealousy. There is a great scene of a game of human
chess with the players all wearing fantastic hats all made like giant ships
perched on bewigged heads. Here an older rich man tries to woo the stepmother,
but she is having none of it as she wants a handsome toyboy not an older
sugardaddy.
10 years later, Snow White desires to
explore the kingdom and sneaks out. Walking through the forest, she meets the
visiting Prince Andrew Alcott, who has been robbed by a band of Dwarves;
she and the prince become smitten with each other. Snow White arrives in the
town, and finds the people are destitute due to the Queen's heavy taxation. Note:
She
remembers the town when her father was alive as a place all in colour where
people were always dancing and singing, but now it is all in sepia and everyone
is poor due to the high taxation rate of the stepmother to fund her lavish
lifestyle.
Meanwhile, Clementianna is introduced to
Alcott and plans to marry him for his wealth. Note:
There
is a great scene where the stepmother goes through several torturous beauty
treatments (many of which are real treatments) to look her best for the ball.
Watch it here:
Clementianna throws a ball to woo the
Prince, and Snow White secretly attends, planning to ask the prince to help her
restore the kingdom. Note: It
is a costume ball and the costumes are astounding. It is an animal theme, and
the costumes are so ridiculously extravagant and yet you cannot stop looking. There is also a hint of Cinderella as she runs away from the ball. Watch
it here:
The Queen notices them dancing and orders
her manservant Brighton to take the princess into the forest and feed her to
the Beast. Brighton leaves Snow White in the forest, and she flees the Beast,
collapsing at the door to the Dwarves' hideout; the dwarves take her in and
introduce themselves as Grimm, Butcher, Wolf, Napoleon, Half Pint, Grub, and
Chuck. When Brighton collects more taxes levied by the Queen to pay for her
expensive parties, the Dwarves rob him. Snow White takes the money and returns
it to the townspeople, crediting the Dwarves, whom the people hail as heroes. Note:
It
is said that the Queen drove away anything deformed or ugly and so the dwarves
were banished to the forest for being different and that the townspeople fear
them due to their disability. They live as highwaymen in the woods and have
created these enormous accordion pleat springy acrobatic trousers that make
them look like fierce giants. Snow White gives them the credit for stealing the
money and returning it to the village so that the townsfolk will see them as kind
and not something to be afraid of. See them in their springy trousers here:
Clementianna informs Alcott that Snow
White is dead. Note: Here we have a scene
where Julia Roberts gets to be prickly and funny. After the Prince confesses
that he thinks Snow White is the most beautiful, she callously mentions she has
been killed by the beast and tries to propose marriage. Watch it here:
When the Prince finds out that the bandits
have robbed Brighton, he goes after them. In the forest, Alcott discovers that
Snow White is alive and in league with the Dwarves, who have trained her in
combat. Each believing the other to be in the wrong, Snow White and Alcott
duel. Alcott returns to the Palace defeated and informs the Queen that Snow
White is alive. Note: There is a montage
where she learns to fight in her big white dress and then she gets a makeover
and gets some snazzy wide legged trousers and a sword. Watch the fight scene
here:
Clementianna enters her Mirror House, within which lives her
reflection, the Mirror Queen. Clementianna has the Mirror Queen temporarily
turn Brighton into a cockroach, and requests a love potion so she can make the
prince fall in love with her. The potion turns out to be a 'puppy love' potion
and the prince becomes devoted to her like a puppy dog. Under this spell, the
prince agrees to marry her. Note: This
scene is hilarious. It must have been so fun to film.
Using dark magic,
the Queen attacks Snow White and the Dwarves with two giant marionettes;
but Snow White defeats them by finding and cutting their strings. Note:
This
scene was incredible—the way the magic was wrought, the puppetry, the execution
of the fight. It would have only made it better if Ray Harryhausen had some it
as stop-motion animation. Watch it here:
On the day of her wedding, Clementianna
arrives to find that Snow White and the Dwarves have robbed the party and
abducted the Prince; for her inability to handle bandits and for lying about
Snow White's death, the aristocrats demand the Queen be deposed. Back in the
forest, Snow White manages to break the spell on Alcott with a kiss. Note:
A
nice gender swap twist here with her having to kiss him to break a spell. She
is a bit nervous as it is her first kiss and despite wearing thick burgundy
lipstick throughout the whole time she has been out fighting with the dwarves
in the woods she suddenly needs makeup. Her lips go pale and one of the dwarves
gives her some natural makeup by rubbing a strawberry that has miraculously
grown in the dead of winter onto her lips and she is back to her deep burgundy
lips.
Snow White encounters Clementianna, who
sends the Beast after her. Prince Alcott tries to save Snow White, but the
Beast captures her. However, the Beast hesitates in killing her and Snow White
sees that it wears a necklace with a moon charm on it similar to the one the
Queen wears. Snow White cuts the necklace off, breaking Clementianna’s spell,
and restoring the Beast to its true form: Snow White’s father. Clementianna
begins to age rapidly; the Mirror Queen explains this is the price for using
dark magic.
Grateful to Alcott for his assistance, the
king agrees to let him marry Snow White. At the wedding, a hooded crone appears
and offers Snow White an apple as a wedding gift. At first, Snow White accepts
the apple; but, as she is about to bite it, she realizes that the crone is
Clementianna. Snow White cuts a piece from the apple and gives it to
Clementianna, who reluctantly accepts it. The Mirror House shatters declaring
it Snow White's story after all. Snow White and the Dwarves live happily ever
after. Note: But not before Snow White
and her friends break out into a Bollywood style closing number to a film that
has not been a musical. I know. I am as puzzled as you are. Watch it here:
Bonus points if you noticed her Louisiana College coloured wedding dress.
That’s all for this week. Stay tuned next week for another
film version of our classic tale.
