Overwhelmed



from blog.jimgrey.net

Winter is nearly upon us and the grey, gloomy weather can make a person feel overwhelmed. Not to mention the cold. The bone chilling cold that seeps into your bones from all the dampness.

 

Our life is Wales is nearly as perfect as it could be with one exception. I am still unemployed. Living on one income can make a person feel overwhelmed as you track expenses down to the penny and weigh up every purchase with the thoughts of the future. If I buy this now, will it take away money from something we need later?

 

Not having a job, a reason to get up in the morning, a place to go during the day can make you feel extremely overwhelmed. There have been many days where I just can’t muster the energy to do much of anything. This can be exacerbated by the cold. It is too cold to go out, it is too cold do anything in the house as well.

 

Yesterday was one of those days. I am in the anti-climactic phase of having applied for a wonderful job, waiting to hear if I have been short listed. This seems to somehow sap my energy. I can easily become overwhelmed with negative feelings as I replay worst case scenarios in my head. I am learning to be kinder to myself, but it does not come easily.

 

I spent the whole of a chilly yesterday bundled up in 25 layers watching season one of Joan of Arcadia on youtube. I meant to leave the house, but I just didn’t manage it. The hot water had been acting up and I had a lukewarm bath that had left me shivering and cross (hence the 25 layers) and I just couldn’t contemplate having to strip down to nothing in order to change into real clothes from my pyjamas and so inside I stayed. I think Wednesdays are as hard on me as they are on Spiderman. It is his long working day where he works all day at one job and then comes home for around 45 minutes for a quick meal and then goes out to his evening job. For him it is fatiguing, for me it is lonely. It is easy to be overwhelmed by loneliness. 

 

Having not left the flat I hadn’t seen if we had post as that involves braving the arctic stairwell and opening the downstairs door . When Spiderman came home for dinner he arrived carrying a large parcel.

 

“Did you order something from Amazon?” he asked suspiciously. 

“No!” I said with rising panic.

 

Cautiously we opened the box and inside was……LOVE. Pure love. Did you know you could buy that from Amazon? Well you can because inside was an electric blanket from our friends The Wheelers.

 

Iain and Rachel and Kieran (the cutest baby in the world, FACT) had sent us warmth and love and good wishes. I was overwhelmed with their kindness and thoughtfulness. I sat there, wide-eyed and could only keep repeating the words, “Oh my stars” over and over and over again. Then I had to run in a circle flapping my hands because I did not know what else to do. Can you be overwhelmed by love? Yes, I think you can.

 

I had sent them an email recently where I half mentioned being really cold and that we were saving up for an electric blanket. This is true. We have looked many times and priced them at different shops, but always something holds us back. That worry that we might need that money in the future for something more important like paying the gas bill for heating the flat. And here was one, delivered to our doorstep, warm as toast and paid for. I am still overwhelmed with gratitude. 

 

Thank you Iain, Rachel and Kieran for sending us what we need and answering our prayers. Thank you for being such wonderful friends and thank you Kieran for smiling so beautifully that it makes my heart glad every time I look at your photo.

 

I am overwhelmed by joy.