How do you talk to yourself?

See, I’m not asking DO you talk to yourself. I know you do. I’m asking HOW. Do you speak out loud or do the voices in your head tell you what to do? Do you speak kindly or do you heap harsh words onto your head that you wouldn’t say to your worse enemy? Do you give a running commentary on all you need to remember to do? e.g.  Click file, then print, then pages 1,3, copies 3, go. Do you repeat mantras or calming words in times of stress? When you give yourself a good talking to, do you speak in FIRST person e.g. I am in my happy place. I am an ocean of calm or do you speak in SECOND person e.g. Calm down, you’re going to be fine. Take a deep breath. You can do this.

I only ask because I talk to myself a lot. Out loud. When I need to remember something I repeat it out loud until I do the thing I need to remember --yesterday it was Pick up Ruth, pick up Ruth as I had brought my ukulele (answers to name of Ruth)  to school and I didn’t want to leave her in the music room when it was time to go home. I also give myself pep talks in times of stress--and boy there has been many of those lately. I know touchy feely new age hippy claptrap says you should always use the first person--I am a lovely, kind person who can handle this difficult situation with grace but I feel a bit dozy doing that and end up using my kindergarten teacher voice which annoys me then I don’t listen to the advice I’ve just spouted to myself. I find I work better in second person--like a good friend with their arm around you, telling you it will be ok. You can do this. It may be hard, but it will work out. You can cope with this. I also find myself lately quoting Julian of Norwich who said:

All shall be well

And all shall be well

And all manner of things shall be well.

I seem to be saying this a lot. Out loud. In my head. When I walk. Between deep breaths. Between bouts of tears. All the time really.

It is funny that when faced with difficulty and annoyance if it is me and someone else I usually act calm and am the one who pushes us on. When someone else is whinging and moaning I tend to be acting all:

Let’s pull together! Spirit of the Blitz! We can do this! It’s not really a problem unless we make it one! Come on, soldier, buck up! I’m not tired! Don’t worry about things you have no control over, just let them go!  This’ll be fine, you’ll see!

Even if I think this is a load of codswallop and what I actually believe is:

 I think everything is actually falling apart, we can’t do this, it is a major problem, I’m exhausted, everything is out of control, this is the worst day of my life! I don’t show it. I am the better one who keeps us positive and singing songs until the rescue crew arrive.

The one person I can’t fool is Spiderman. He is the only person I can be my most authentic self--for better or worse--and I can’t ever hide my feelings from him. I cannot put on a brave face with him because he can see straight into my heart and know I’m lying and that I am really miserable. I can say all sorts of things aloud like come on, it’ll be fun or at least we’ll be able to laugh about it later, right? And he knows I don’t mean it. He cannot be fooled by my Polyanna exterior. So I find it hard to even try to fake it with him. When I look into his loving eyes and know he is seeing me for who I really am, all I can do is weep and ask him to hold me. With him, because I cannot disguise my feelings of sadness or annoyance, I am the one whinging and moaning. How annoying it must be! And because he is quiet and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, sometimes I don’t realize that he is suffering too.

There are lots of things going on in our life right now that are very stressful. I am trying to be the positive one and failing a bit (quite a bit Spiderman might say) but I am trying to cope without making my beloved completely miserable himself. Because in a marriage joy and sorrow are both shared equally. Joy is light and easy to carry, but sorrow is heavy and it really takes two to hold back the tide to prevent each other from drowning in despair. But two can hold it back better than one. That is the partnership of marriage.

So how does one cope? If you keep telling yourself:

All shall be well

And all shall be well

And all manner of things shall be well.

Then will it be well? Does the act of saying it make it come true or does it just change the way you view the situation?

How do you make yourself believe it?