Murder ballad Monday--The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun (Julie Brown)

Hello and welcome to Murder Ballad Monday. Up until now, all of the ballads have been serious. I hadn't really thought about the fact that a song about murder could be funny (even silly) until I thought about this song.

So, for the next few weeks we will look at murder ballads with a humorous slant.

Last week we looked at a very serious song about gun violence. Working in a school in Louisiana, I saw my share of gun violence and how it affected my students. I am very serious when it comes to guns. I don't think it is clever or funny to pretend to shoot anyone. In the UK, I have always pulled a child aside and talked to them about the gun violence I have seen and how it is not a good way to play. They are often shocked when they hear true stories about real shootings. True stories about children I know who were shot.

So, why is this song an exception? Well, The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun is less about shooting and more about being part of those 1950's doo-wop Teenage Tragedy songs. You know, like Leader of the Pack or Tell Laura I Love Her. It is a satirical look at the shallowness of teenage girls rather than about mass shootings (even though it contains one.)
                     
I first heard this song on the Dr Demento show.  I fell in love with Julie Brown and her silly Valley Girl persona (see also: Cause I'm a Blond from the film Earth Girl's Are Easy) and Spiderman and I continually quote this song to each other, even now.

Julie Brown has said that after the Columbine High shootings, she doesn't feel comfortable singing this song in her live shows anymore and I understand that. In 1983, you could still make fun of things like this. These days, it just feels too tragic to do so.

The song was originally released as a B-Side to her self-released single I Like 'Em Big And Stupid and was later re-released in  1984 on her Goddess in Progress and re-released again on her 1987 album Trapped In The Body Of a White Girl. 

The video, full of Julie Brown at her Valley Girl best, was a huge hit with Spiderman and me. We still say things like Stop it Debbi, you're embarrassing me! whenever the other person does something outlandish in public As well as An hour later the cops arrived and I said . . . in her good ear. 

The video is a comic masterpiece, so you don't want to miss it. You do have to suspend your disbelief as she shoots around 24 times and never reloads, but it is a comedy so I can let it slide.  However, I have included the lyrics below if you'd like to follow along.

Did you see that bit at the end where someone steals her tiara? Priceless.

It was homecoming night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
Cause my best friend Debbi was homecoming queen

She looked so pretty in pink chiffon
Riding the float with her tiara on
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand
She looked straight out of Disneyland
You know, like, the Cinderella ride
I mean definitely an E-ticket


The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something
The band was playing "Evergreen"
Then all of a sudden, somebody screamed
"Look out—the homecoming queen's got a gun"

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

Debbi's smiling and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh, Buffy's pompom just blew to bits
Oh no, Mitzi's head just did the splits
God, my best friend's on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbi, you're embarrassing me
How could you do what you just did
Are you having a really bad period?

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

(Stop Debbi, you're making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress)

An hour later, the cops arrived
By then the entire Glee Club had died—no big loss
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her
Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper

(Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float)

Debbi didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired, and now the math teacher's dead
Oh, it's really sad, but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

(Debbi's really having a blast
She's wasting half of the class)

The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float
I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat
She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic
But I was crying so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic
I ran down to Debbi, I had to find out
What made her do it, why'd she freak out
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear
I knew then the end was near

So I ran down and I said, in her good ear
"Debbi, why did you do it"
She raised her head, smiled, and said
"I did it for Johnny"

Johnny
Well, like, who's Johnny
Answer me, Debbi, who's Johnny
Does anybody here know Johnny
Are you Johnny
There was one guy named Johnny
But he was a total geek
He always had food in his braces
Answer me, Debbi, who's Johnny
Oh god, this is like that movie "Citizen Kane"
You know, where you later find out Rosebud was a sled
But we'll never know who Johnny was
Cause, like, she's dead

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a
Everybody run
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun.

  

 It was homecoming night at my high school

Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
Cause my best friend Debbi was homecoming queen

She looked so pretty in pink chiffon
Riding the float with her tiara on
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand
(Bouquet)
She looked straight out of Disneyland
You know, like, the Cinderella ride
I mean definitely an E-ticket


The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked
(Was stoked)
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something
The band was playing "Evergreen"
Then all of a sudden, somebody screamed
"Look out—the homecoming queen's got a gun"

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

Debbi's smiling and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh, Buffy's pompom just blew to bits
Oh no, Mitzi's head just did the splits
God, my best friend's on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbi, you're embarrassing me
How could you do what you just did
Are you having a really bad period?

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

(Stop Debbi, you're making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress)

An hour later, the cops arrived
By then the entire Glee Club had died—no big loss
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her
Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper

(Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float)

Debbi didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired, and now the math teacher's dead
Oh, it's really sad, but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun

(Debbi's really having a blast
She's wasting half of the class)

The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float
I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat
She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic
But I was crying so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic
I ran down to Debbi, I had to find out
What made her do it, why'd she freak out
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear
I knew then the end was near

So I ran down and I said, in her good ear
"Debbi, why did you do it"
She raised her head, smiled, and said
"I did it for Johnny"

Johnny
Well, like, who's Johnny
Answer me, Debbi, who's Johnny
Does anybody here know Johnny
Are you Johnny
There was one guy named Johnny
But he was a total geek
He always had food in his braces
Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny
Oh god, this is like that movie "Citizen Kane"
You know, where you later find out Rosebud was a sled
But we'll never know who Johnny was
Cause, like, she's dead

Everybody run
The homecoming queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a
Everybody run
Everybody run
The homecoming queen has got a gun.

That’s all for this week. Stay tuned next week for a (not so) traditional Irish Ballad