Hello Lovelies, I'm Back!

 As the title says: Hello Lovelies, I'm back.

It has been two years since I wrote anything on this blog. My whole world came crashing down in March of 2021 when the Amazing Spiderman went to hospital, was diagnosed with cancer and then died six weeks later. Then last year, just as I was beginning to get my sense of self back, my dear old Mum and my sweet baby granddaughter were killed in a car accident in Arkansas. It has been a rough couple of years.

I spent the last two years trying to get out of survival mode--trying to move forward, find out how to manage on my own because I have never been on my own. I lived with my parents, then in a dorm at LC and then with Spiderman. I was part of a team for thirty-two wonderful years and married for nearly twenty-nine of them so it has taken a lot of work to stop drowning and pull myself to shore. Which is a crazy metaphor for me to use as my complete terror of sharks will not let me even set foot in the sea. But maybe that is why the metaphor works--I feel like I have been in high stress/anxiety/fight or flight since my Spiderman's demise. 

Everything about my life changed when he died. The way I eat (there seemed no point in food blogging when i was struggling to feed myself and when I did cook, I ate a lot more processed food and the same meals over and over (and over) again). I had to learn to travel on my own but I am still not brave enough to go to London so i have had less to write about. All of my energy was taken up with surviving, but this year I really want to move from SURVIVING to THRIVING again. Spiderman would want that for me. He would want me to go on and have a rich and happy life. So, I am trying.

Today, the Carmarthenshire Hunt had their annual parade and showing off in front of crowds of people lining the streets before they go off trail hunting and Oops! might accidentally kill a fox but it was just by accident and they can't be held accountable if their dogs stumble upon a live terrified animal when they are just out riding and tear it apart. 🙄So many people come out for this--some are supporters of fox hunting and other blood sports, but many are just people with their kids who like to see a parade with horses and fancy dress. I wish they could see that by supporting this, they are encouraging cruelty and pain. 

There hasn't been a parade since 2019. I had hoped that the pandemic had put this to bed, but here we are in 2023 fighting against cruelty. There was a lot of shouting and name calling, mainly from people on our side I am sorry to say. I refuse to call names, no matter what I think of them. There was so much anger, and it is understandable because these people actively take pleasure in causing fear and pain. But I am just exhausted by anger. I have been furious for two years at being widowed and I am tired of anger. I am tired of looking only at myself and my own survival rather than looking at how I can make the world a better place. Where is Spidergrrl the JOYFUL VEGAN? I used to work so hard to spread the message of compassion and love for all God's creatures. I used to blog about food to show people that being vegan was easy, healthy and cheap. I have been lost in a sea of despair for two years, but today was a lifeboat.

I suddenly realised that getting back to helping others could pull me out of the mire that has been these last two years. So, here I am. I may not blog as much as I used to--even when I am eating healthily, I eat A LOT of leftovers because I am tired and cooking for one is a very different ballgame. But I will show you what I am eating and if you want help with recipes, then I will gladly be there for you to help. If you live in town I can take you shopping and show you were all the good stuff is. I will try to show you what goals I am working on because maybe they are goals you want to have to. 

May 2023 be the year that we thrive.