Live Love Be Believe

 

Hello lovelies! The title of this blog is Live Love Be Believe which is the motto for the band the Crüxshadows. This is what I am trying to do:

LIVE in a world that has been turned upside down, live in a way I can be proud of and continue to live and grow and not shut down because the unthinkable has happened. I will never move on but I want to move onward.

LOVE and continue to love my Best Beloved, practice more self-love as learning to do all these new things on my own is hard without him, spread love and kindness with every step.

BE just learn to be whole without the person who I thought made me whole, just be in the moment not worrying about so many things, and be the person who is my best self.

BELIEVE that all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well, that I will see my darling again and what a sweet reunion that will be and to believe in all the good magical things that there are in the world and to be a part of spreading that joy.

My new tattoos

This has been my tattoo year, it seems. I have met the Fabulous Ffion who makes my ink dreams come true. And because she can double up (or in today’s case triple up) designs during a one-hour appointment I have my final three of the year.

Like every one of my tattoos these designs have a deep personal meaning for me, and like most the ones I got this year they are related to my Best Beloved the Amazing Spiderman.

There is so much I wanted to say about them that it felt like it needed to be a blog post.

The first design is the logo for the band the Crüxshadows. We have loved this goth darkwave band for years and even were lucky enough to see them live in London several years ago which you can read about HERE. This band, led by the charismatic lead singer and songwriter with a moral compass Rogue has been a hero of ours for years. Their lyrics are influenced by literature, religion (one of their songs quotes directly from the 23^rd Psalm) and Greek mythology. One of our favourite songs is Sophia, meaning wisdom. This song had a profound effect on both of us. Read some of the lyrics below and see why.

So you must carry this light into the darkness
You shall be a star unto the night
You will find hope alive among the hopeless
That is your purpose to this life

Do not injustice to another
Defend the weak and innocent
Let truth and honour always guide you
Let courage find the light within

Stand up when no one else is willing
Act not in hatred or in spite
Be to this world as a perfect knight
Even if it means your life

And through these doubts and through your confusion
Know that you are chosen to this fight
Look to find a soul filled with compassion
Look to see a living source of light

I wanted something to remind me always to be that Living Source of Light.

The second one is an hourglass. This timey-wimey symbol of Life, Death and Time Lords is also a reminder to me that we never know how long we have on this earth, and we must make it a good one, spreading love and kindness wherever we go so that we do not regret our lives. The Crüxshadows also have a song about this called Birthday.

Roll out of bed, look in the mirror
And wonder who you are
Another year has come and gone
Today is your birthday
But it might be the last day of your life
What will you do if tomorrow it's all gone?

Look at your life, who do you want to be before you die?
Look at your life, you haven't got forever

And tell me what really matters
Is it the money and the fame?
Or how many people might eventually know your name?
But maybe you touch one life
And the world becomes a better place to be
Maybe you give their dreams another day
Another chance to be free

You won't be young forever
There's only a fraction to the sum
You won't be young forever
Nor will anyone

I remember Spiderman playing it repeat every February 13^th as he looked at what he done the past year to make the world better and what he hoped to do in the coming year to Be the Light. He brought a lot of good into the world, it just was extinguished far too soon. I have his ashes in an urn that is an hourglass to remind me of this song and who I want to be before I die.

The last one will make no sense to anyone but us except maybe Matazone Haggis who created the animated film. Spiderman and I had several ways to say I Love You without using words. The most popular one was this. The sound TK TK TK. A bit like the sound a tap-dancing pigeon might make. This all comes from a hilarious video by Matazone Haggis (creator of Mr Snaffleburger if you know that character) of Skippy the Goth Kangaroo. Which contains the hilarious dialogue:

Skippy the Goth Kangaroo: TK TK TK

Boy: What’s that Skip?

Skippy the Goth Kangaroo: TK TK TK

Boy: Aw, no! Lord Oberon Darkness-of-the Night has fallen down the well?

Skippy the Goth Kangaroo: TK TK TK

Boy: AND he's run out of eyeliner!

You can watch the video HERE.

So, I wanted to create the image of a stone well as viewed from above with TK TK TK inside so I could have a permanent I Love You from my Amazing Spiderman.

That makes a total of 11 tattoos for me this year (and brings the grand total all the way up to 28) but I love reading my body like a map that tells the history of my life but also that is a love note to the life I shared with the most amazing man I ever met.

Merry Christmas everyone and a happy new year!

Spidergrrl x